Caution: please read this article objectively. I’m not trying to persuade you to act or not act according to these generalized observations. Not all first-year students exhibit these habits, but more than likely, the girl walking from the Valleys to Brown Hall in five-inch heels is probably doing so for the first and last time.
We’ve all been there: it’s the first day of college and you’re thankful to have spent Labor Day afternoon scouting out your classes, and picking out your first-day ensemble. Yet somehow, you still end up joining the assembly in front of the big campus map outside of the Bernhard Center to remind you of the distinction between Wood and Rood.
When you’re done with class for the day, you stop to collect your big white box of textbooks from Textbook Express, the service that bookstore employees convince you to sign up for in orientation. Sooner or later you’ll learn to buy your books from Amazon.com and save yourself about 75 percent.
After you drop off your books in your room, you hit the caf with your roommate and work on that freshman 15, then head back up to your room to watch “Teen Mom” with your suite mates and make plans for the weekend.
When Friday evening finally comes, you spend a couple hours to shower, blow-dry, put on make-up, and dress up for the evening. Once you look your best, you slip out to Smoker’s Island to ask or brag about the night’s unlimited possibilities. After a long-awaited cigarette, you ride the elevator back up to your room for a bit of pre-gaming.
At about 11;00, you fill empty water bottles with the Burnett’s your suitie’s sister bought and make your way to the Den for 67-cent chasers. Armed for the battle at Fraternity Village, you march down W. Michigan Avenue, occasionally tugging down the shirt you’re wearing as a dress. You quickly learn to ignore the cat-calls, wolf-whistles, and the occasional “Hey! Freshman! Go back to the dorms!”
While it may be easy to spot a freshman, it’s even easier to spot a sophomore, because they go out of their way to not look fresh. Her first-day getup usually includes flip-flops, leggings/sweatpants, last year’s Bronco Bash t-shirt, and hair pulled as high up on her head as it will go (apparently in Germany this is called a Bitch-Palm).
There’s nothing wrong with being a freshman, don’t get me wrong, but there are common behaviors that most freshmen demonstrate that catch a judgmental eye. Beware of those who judge others according to their class status. It’s not okay to look down upon a person for being new to this phase of life, but there’s nothing wrong with a chuckle at the girl who thinks it’s a good idea to wear a shirt as a dress.