Single or Taken?

The single life or the taken life; which is better? I’ve never been the type of person to have a personal favorite because I think there are benefits to both. But for some reason, it is in people’s nature to want what they don’t have. Serious couples find themselves daydreaming about the freedom of the single life and seriously single people find themselves longing for that special someone to share their life with. 

There are plenty of people out there who are single and love it or are in a relationship and love it. But if you aren’t one of those people, ask yourself why. Have you been in a relationship for a while now and miss being able to do whatever you want? Or have you been lonely for a while and miss someone to cuddle up with at night? 

Now, ask yourself what it is you really want, and then ask yourself what it is you really need. I myself had a hard time with that second one. The key to help yourself in either situation is this: do not force it. 

 Ok, so you’re in a relationship and sometimes wish you were single so you could go out, party and not feel bad about flirting with other people. First ask yourself this, are there always problems in your relationship? Do you sometimes feel alone even though you’re with someone? Do you second guess your relationship? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you might want to first consider why you are still in a relationship. Chances are, you’re not getting what you need from it in order to feel confident and satisfied. You may not be getting the attention that you want or feel the security you need. It may be time to walk away. 

But! If you ask yourself these last questions and answer no, then you might need to think twice. Do you have yourself a good partner? Are they the type of person you have been waiting to meet? Do they provide you with the love and care you deserve? If these questions are true, then what the heck are you doing! I know being single can be fun but it’s not every day you meet someone who is right for you. However, remember what I said, don’t force it! If they are right for you, you will know it because you’ll feel it. If that spark isn’t there then it makes sense to find more satisfaction in acting single. But be fair, if you’re going to act single then you might just want to be single. Makes sense. 

If you want the relationship you’re in but don’t need it because it’s bad for you, then it’s also time to stop forcing it. Sometimes what you want and what you need won’t be in close proximity. If your partner puts their hands on you in any way, calls you names, disrespects you, cheats on you, tries to hurt you on purpose, etc then I think you and I both know it’s not what you need. I know that sometimes it may be hard to leave the people you want and don’t need… but just think of how many other people there are in the world. Billions. One of those is closer to what you need. 

Now let’s go completely opposite, you’re single as can be and sometimes find yourself thinking about how amazing it would be share your life with another person. These people need to listen up carefully because they are the reason I started to write this in the first place. 

It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share your life with someone else, but it is only truly wonderful when that someone else is all that you want and more. Common sense, right? Why would you want to share your life with someone you didn’t want? I really don’t know the answer to that question, but I do know that people do it every day. What would I say to these people? Don’t force it! 

Being in a relationship can be amazing, but if you get into a relationship just for the sake of being in one then you’re setting yourself up for failure. I’m not saying a good relationship can’t come from this circumstance because I’m sure one could. I am saying that this is usually not the case. Of course there are those “just for fun” or “let’s see what happens” relationships, but those are usually created off of the wants of each partner. And yes, sometimes these relationships can lead into serious ones. But, usually the transition happens naturally, not by force. 

If you want a serious relationship that will last with a person who is right and great for you, then you cannot, I repeat, cannot force it. I’m always hearing my friends say things like, “Why can’t I find a guy,” or, “I just want a boyfriend.” I tell them that they will find a guy, when they are supposed to. They will have a boyfriend, when it’s the right time. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it can take a little work or effort- just like anything in life that is worth having, but these things have a funny way of working themselves out. Usually, love is found when you’re not looking. Usually, the best things in life happen when you least expect it. Usually, you meet the man of your dreams when you’re sweaty pants at that same bar you’ve been to a million times and it just so happens that you consumed the perfect amount of alcohol where you can hit on a guy successfully without having to yack all over his shoes and even though you made your friends listen to your terrible, repetitive rant about how men are all worthless and your determined to switch teams, you lock eyes with him for only a quick second and you just know…Oh wait, I guess that last part only applies to me. 

Point is, there is no need to force anything. When you sit back, relax a little, and focus on yourself, then you would be astonished at the events that unfold in your life. And if they aren’t happening yet, they’re coming. Have a little faith.