What did you expect when you first came to college? Maybe you expected to finally find your group of people. Perhaps you thought that you would find the love of your life. I bet you assumed that you would pass all of your classes and academically succeed (because that’s what college is all about right?) Tragically, life doesn’t always end up the way we plan it to, and college introduces many people to this reality.
In light of midterms season, let’s talk about the many ways you may fail in college!
Failing a Class
Not doing well, or even failing a class, is bound to happen. Maybe you didn’t study for a test, or you forgot to turn in a major assignment, or you’ve been lost since the first day of lecture and never caught up. Failing a class isn’t the end of the world, even if it feels like it is at the moment. This is a big thing I’ve been talking about in therapy, as I, tragically, may fail my first class this semester. I fell victim to the trope of doing bad on an exam in a class made up of only exams. While I have been feeling many things about this failure: sad, embarrassed, angry; I’ve also been reminding myself that there is nothing I can do to fix my grade except for trying harder on the next exam.
Once you realize you may be on the brink of failing a class, immediately schedule an appointment with your advisor to get their advice on your next steps. See if you should withdraw from the class, or if it is in your best interest to finish the course out and see what happens. If the class has a lab, see what grade you need in the lab in order to only retake the lecture. Tediously check your syllabus to see if there are any extra credit opportunities that may save your grade. Go to your professor or TA and see if there are any retake options for quizzes or exams. If none of these things end up in your favor and you’re doomed to fail the class, keep your notes and any graded exams so you can do better when you retake the course. In this time, you may feel embarrassed or want to give up entirely on the class, or even on your major. Remember that this failure, although awful in the moment, is an experience that you will learn from and try not to repeat again.
Failing in Your Love Life
We all want the romantic “We met in college and it was love at first sight!” love story. However, this doesn’t happen for a lot of people. Dating, along with college, is hard. Between balancing rigorous classes and finding time to stay connected with your partner, many relationships are bound to fail. If you fall victim to breakup season, give yourself time to grieve that person in between classes. I’ve seen so many people go through a college breakup and immediately turn their brains off and skip a whole week of class. While I’m all for giving yourself a mental break to heal, remember that classes, sadly, don’t stop for anything. Take your time to cry, go out with your friends, eat a tub of ice cream, and then get back to the grind of school work. Try to use the breakup as motivation to try even harder in school. Use your pent up energy to lock in and devote yourself to bettering yourself and your grades.
If you find this impossible, let your professors know that you’re going through something and may not be attending class. I personally emailed my professor that I could not attend our lecture on the sociology of relationships because mine had just failed and I probably wouldn’t make it through the class without crying. Professors are people too, so mine understood and allowed me to skip it. If a professor tells you to come to class regardless of your breakup, use your best judgment on whether or not you think you’re up to it. Don’t go through classes if you can’t make it through a lecture without tearing up, but also don’t let yourself skip to throw a pity party. Take your time, pick yourself up, and find motivation through your sadness.
Failing Your FamilyÂ
If your family is anything like mine, they have set many goals for you in college. Whether it be getting good grades, joining a certain club or greek life house, or even finding a partner; feeling like you did not live up to your family’s expectations is a hard reality to face. Your family may be backhanded about their disappointment, or they may tell you how upset they are to your face. No matter what your family may say to you, it is detrimental to remember that you are in college for you, not for anyone else. You are creating a better life and future for yourself. In order to do this, you must stay true to your own goals and aspirations. Although it is difficult, try not to let any familial disappointment steer you from the dream life that you want to live.Â
I have had family members tell me straight to my face that I’m stupid for not having a 4.0 and getting a B- in microbiology, which if you haven’t taken microbio, is a good grade for that course. Family can be tough on you and try to make you feel beneath them in order to build themselves up. The best thing you can do in these instances is remember why you are in college and what your goals are. As long as you reach those goals and fulfill yourself, no matter how long or how many tries it may take you, you have succeeded.Â
Failing Your Friends
Failing your friends might not come to mind when you first think of failure, yet one day you may find yourself feeling as if you have failed the people around you. This could be for many different reasons. Maybe a close friendship fizzled out because you were both too busy to hang out, or perhaps you got into a fight and couldn’t reconcile it. You may even feel like you failed a friend because you had set goals together and you failed to reach them at the same pace that they succeeded in them. Personally, I always feel like I am specifically failing my chemistry tutor because I’m not doing as well as I thought I’d be and in my brain that means I’ve failed her as my tutor. No matter how you may have failed a friend, it is hard to feel as if you’ve disappointed, or even have lost someone that you’ve cared about.Â
In college especially, friends come and go quite often. You may have been friends with your freshman orientation group, only to realize that you all have different schedules and now never see each other; or maybe you were best friends with your roommate, and now you don’t talk. You might have even made a great group of friends first coming to college that you saw every day, but now you don’t see any of them. It can be hard to keep people in your life with conflicting schedules, but know that the right people will always make time for you and let you know that they want you in their lives.Â
You must remember that your people are out there just waiting for you to connect with them. So branch out! Talk to the stranger that sits next to you in class! Join that club you’ve been Instagram stalking! People won’t simply walk up to you and ask to be friends… so walk up to them! You truly never know who you will make a connection with, so reach out often and talk to everyone that you can.Â
Failing Yourself
As someone going into nursing, I know how hard college students can be on themselves when they don’t live up to their personal goals. Straying off of your personal timeline, not getting into a specific program, or not getting the job you wanted may be a few ways you may disappoint yourself in college. Some things don’t work out the way in which we originally planned them, which sucks. But hey, some things don’t work out the way in which we originally planned them! This can be a good or bad thing depending on how you approach it. Yes, you may have wanted to pass that class and graduate in four years, but now you get to spend more time preparing yourself for your future and will better understand the content of the class! You may have also wanted your first serious college relationship to work out, but now you get to experience so many new things with other people and may find the person who you were destined to be with!
You will realize that you’re failing yourself in many different ways throughout college. These hardships may leave you feeling that you’re not good enough, or can’t trust yourself. If you ever find yourself feeling like this, know that there is always support available to you when you need it. Finding someone to talk to about your personal failures could lead you to seeing them in a new perspective. Rather than failing at something, you may learn that you’re simply trying it for the first time. Almost like a baby learning how to do its first motions in life, you’re learning how to be an adult and do the things that you will do in your future career!Â
Despite all the ways in which you may fail, try not to forget that college is a learning time for everyone! It may be hard to not compare yourself to the successes of others, but it is essential to remember that you are in college to further your life. You are creating your own path, so if it takes you longer than others to figure that out it is okay! Failing and restarting simply gives you more time to grow in yourself and test out what you truly want in life. Take this time to try new things; whether that be classes, majors, or extracurriculars, find what you enjoy and stick with it! No matter what happens, be grateful for both your many successes and many failures. These are the things that are helping to build the future you want for yourself!