The Slut Dungeon is a place we love to hate. As you make your way downtown on a Thursday night, you can’t help but notice the line of freshmen that wraps around the building connected to the infamous club. If you’re an OG WVU student, you know it as Cellar. But for all of the youngins, we will refer to it as Annex. If you’ve been a handful of times, I get it. But, here are ten things that you should probably do with your life instead of going to the Slut Dungeon.
1. Exist.
Enough said.
2. Watch ‘The Notebook’ and sob
Because you’d be crying at some point of the night either way.
3. Go to sleep.
You will feel like Beyonce in the morning and you’ll wake up in your own bed. Two things that won’t happen if you go to Annex.
4. Go to WVU Up All Night.
Enough said part 2.
5. Go to Bent Willies.
You get to post an Instagram with the caption “Get bent.” You can purchase a bucket with 32 shots in it, which doesn’t even sound real. If you’re going to go out and you’re under 21, at least go somewhere with the slightest bit of class.
6. Go to Joe Mama’s.
If you’re 21 or older, WHY ARE YOU CONSIDERING GOING TO ANNEX?
7. Bake a pie.
Why go to Annex to hear them play “Trap Queen” about 20 times when you can realistically make pies with your baby? Have your pie and eat it too.
8. Go to the library.
You can brush up on your knowledge about safe sex and the STDs you could potentially catch if you go to Annex.
9. Go to the student recreation center.
You will get a better workout here than you would if you were dancing on the pole all evening.
10. Don’t go out at all and lock yourself in your room.
At least you won’t hook up with your roommate’s ex-boyfriend, right? If you went to Annex, this would be the result. Your mind tells you no, but the Annex cheap alcohol tells you yes.
I promise, you’ll be better off. Unless you want to wake up with an X on your face from sleeping on your hand, hickies on your neck from a random and a killer hangover, then that’s on you. Cheers.