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How To Cope With The Holidays After Losing A Loved One

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Alison Kaiser
Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Taylor Deer
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at WVU chapter.

I lost my mom the week before Thanksgiving. It hit our family hard, as all loss does. I expected the immediate grief, anger, and pain. What I wasn’t prepared for, was how it would affect different aspects of my life after the funeral was over and I had gotten past my initial stages of grieving. One thing that is forever changed for me are the holidays. Now, Thanksgiving is the same week as my mom’s funeral day, making it hard for me to feel thankful. And Christmas; it’s no longer “the most wonderful time of the year”. Many of my favorite Christmas memories center around my mom and her traditions, and how special she always made the holiday for our family.

For those of you who have lost someone close, the holidays can be an especially painful time. On one hand, you want to celebrate, on the other, you know that no matter how hard you try, the celebrations will never be the same. There is no right or wrong way to deal with the holidays after the loss of a loved one. As I go into my second year without my mother, I want to share some things I’ve learned about making the holidays a little easier.

1. Acknowledge old traditions.

My mom would always make us a special Christmas brunch after we opened presents. Even though she isn’t here, I plan to continue that tradition. Traditions are a way of honoring our loved ones that aren’t here and keep them alive in our hearts.

2. Make new ones.

Have you ever heard that saying, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.”? The same goes for holiday traditions. Old traditions with my mom will always be cherished and I will keep some of them around. But I’m not afraid to start new ones. It’s a healthy way of moving forward and adding a refreshed joy to the holiday season.

3. Embrace your family and friends.

They’re probably wrestling with the same feelings as you are. Lean on each other for love and support. It’s easier to get through those feelings during the holidays when you aren’t trying to get through them alone.

4. It’s okay to cry.

You might see your grandpa’s favorite Christmas movie on T.V, take a bite of your aunt’s pumpkin pie, or, like me, hear a Christmas song on the radio that reminds you of your mom and burst into tears. These things will happen, but let them. Crying is healthy and helps you work through your emotions.

5. It’s also okay not to.

Crying not your style? Punch a pillow. Go for a run. Hug your dog. There are many other things besides crying that can help you process your feelings.

6. Do something for someone else. 

After a loss, I think it puts it into perspective what a fragile, temporary gift life truly is. I’ve found that doing kind things for others makes me feel a little bit better. Whether it’s just smiling at a stranger or holding the door for someone else, they could be struggling with something and you might make their whole day better. Or maybe do something more, like volunteer at a holiday soup kitchen or donate presents to homeless children. Acts of kindness won’t just help others, they’ll help you too. I promise.

7. Go to a holiday church service.

No matter what religion you are, or even if you aren’t religious at all, there is comfort in being gathered with people at Christmas time, hearing uplifting words and songs.

8. Don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one.

I remember it was like pins and needles; people were afraid to bring up my mom around me. If we were sharing Christmas memories, someone would say “One Christmas your mom
.”, and then trail off without finishing, nervous that they might upset me. Personally, I say share those memories. Memories are a treasure and help those we’ve lost live on.

There is no immediate fix to the grief that comes with losing a loved one. For me, and countless others, the holidays will always be an in-your-face reminder of our loss. But the holidays don’t have to be all sadness. Celebrate when you feel like it, cry when you don’t. Let the memories of your loved one live on by spreading holiday warmth and love to those around you. Those we have lost would want us to celebrate the holidays with giving spirits and full hearts. Life is short, so don’t let loss hold you back. Instead, move forward and cherish your holiday memories from the past while continuing to create new ones.

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My name is Alison, I'm 21 years old and currently a junior at West Virginia University. I'm pursuing a degree in Television Journalism with a minor in English. In my spare time, I enjoy traveling, analyzing films and writing. Some of my favorite things are my sorority (Kappa Kappa Gamma), dogs, Chipotle, NYC, champagne, the Yankees and Netflix. Someday, I hope to be an anchor at Fox News in New York, a travel blogger, or a magazine editor.
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  I grew up in Charleston, West Virginia. Growing up here I knew there was a possibility of going to West Virginia University my entire life. Although I decided to start my college career at the University of Kentucky, those country roads led me back to WVU in the spring of my sophomore year. This was also the point when I decided to establish myself as a Broadcast Journalist student. Since this point I have strived to become the best possible journalist I can be. I am currently working as a weekend reporter for WDTV-Channel 5 in Clarksburg, West Virginia. Prior to receiving this position, I worked as an intern with WCHS-tv/FOX11, in the summer of 2014, where I learned critical editing, interviewing, writing, and speaking skills. I worked closely with anchors, reporters, editors, directors, producers, and even the web team. Aside from the television industry, I am the Campus Correspondent for the West Virginia University Chapter of the online entertainment magazine, Her Campus. Another position I currently hold is the Social Media Chair of WVU’s Radio Television Digital News Association Chapter. In the Fall of 2012, I became a sister of the Alpha Phi Fraternity, in which I held the position of ‘Big Sister Chairman.’ My other passions include horse back riding, scuba diving, being outdoors, and running. I am very adventurous and I try to stay well rounded. My goal in life is to live life to the fullest and be the best possible version of myself. My ultimate goal would be to earn a spot as a reporter/anchor for Fox News, New York. I plan to graduate in December of 2016 and look forward to my future.