Over the course of my life time, I have developed an aversion to the word “no”. It’s extremely hard for me to say this to people; when I do, it has most likely caused me hours of anxiety trying to procure a carefully crafted way of telling someone “no” without hurting their feelings. I want to please everyone. I don’t like letting people down and I like to think I can do 100 different things at a time. My manager asks me to pick up another shift at work, even though I’ve already worked five days in a row on top of school? Of course, I say yes. My friend invites me to her birthday party and says she’ll be so sad if I don’t show? Even though I’ve already been to 3 birthday dinners this week and I have a huge paper due the next day, I say yes. A boy asks me out and I don’t like him, so I try to make an excuse about having other plans, but he persists? Begrudgingly, I agree to the date.
As children, it’s one of the first words we say. But somewhere along the line, many of us, especially young women, find it harder and harder to use that two-letter, one-syllable word. Boys seem to have it easier. They can say “no” and be automatically agreed with and still respected. For girls, on the other hand, we’re made to feel bad for saying “no”, and whoever we say it to will usually try to find some way to coerce us out of our decision.
When did we, as women, become so afraid to say “no”?
We shouldn’t be. You are allowed to say “no” to anything you please. Maybe it’s something you shouldn’t do. Maybe it’s something you can’t do or don’t have time for. Maybe it’s something that will hurt you in some way. Or, maybe it’s something you just don’t damn want to do. Whatever your reason, don’t be afraid; gather up the courage to say “no” clearly, sincerely, and affirmatively.
Don’t be apologetic. There’s a difference between being bitchy “No I won’t hand you that item from the top shelf because you can’t reach it” and being honest, “No, I can’t make it to your party tonight because I already have 10 other commitments.” If you simply can’t do it, you can’t do it. Any decent person will understand and empathize with you.
Saying “no” is an important skill that girls need to master and is essential to your mental, social and physical health. We cannot allow people to walk all over us. Taking on too many commitments, or trying to please everyone at once, will cause you to burn out fast. While you’re trying to make everyone else happy, you in turn will lose your own happiness. For the sake of your own well-being, mental-fortitude, inner peace, and in order to maintain healthy relationships, never be afraid to say what you mean. Remember ladies: It might be a small word, but there is a lot of power in having the courage to say “no”.