Aziz Ansari has been in the news recently for not having mutual consent with a girl that he brought home. Even though she did follow through, she still felt uncomfortable the whole time. He also apologized the day after but the damage had already been done. He and so many others have brought to light how important consent is and why you should always have it.
Consent is defined as “permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.” It can be applied to any situation but it is normally referenced regarding sexual matters. Sexual acts can happen for a variety of reasons: it could be a one-time date, a friends-with- benefits or even a long-time partner. Regardless of the circumstances, this is why it is important to always have mutual consent before anything happens.
1. You’re on the same page
Both partners should consent to anything that is about to happen. The influence of alcohol or drugs can hinder this same notion so always make sure to take those into consideration. Open communication for any sexual encounter is key to having an enjoyable time. Most people may even want this reassurance that they are moving at a good pace and that both parties are ready to move on to any next step.
2. Neither feels forced or pressured to perform any act
No one ever wants to feel pressured for not doing something that another person wants them to. It is not pleasant to have someone pressuring you to do something that you do not want to do. Plus, it gets harder to keep up a boundary with all of this nagging. If your partner caves because of you… it is still not true consent.
3. Neither feels guilty about not doing something
This could go hand-in- hand for the previous reason, but there can be a difference between being pressured and being made to feel guilty. Your partner shouldn’t feel guilty for not performing any acts that you want. This could arrive in a multitude of ways like certain language, body language, or even just a general attitude. If you have to beg or make your partner feel bad about not doing something just simply because you want it is not okay. It is not consent. And you don’t deserve whatever it is that you’re asking for.
4. So that one person doesn’t feel the need to take legal action
Yes, it happens. Even long-time partners face problems where they do not want to do something but the other does. This isn’t right. You should always make sure that both are willing to participate. Plus, it makes it more enjoyable if both parties are willing.
ALWAYS remember: No means NO. Never force a partner or date or whoever to do something that he/she does not want to do. It’s never okay and it will be sexual assault if you follow through.
Consent is open communication. Consent is honest communication. Consent is affectionate communication. Consent is sexy communication.
Always have consent before you do anything. Always.