The Truth About Being Married In College

Looking on Yik Yak, I see someone just got engaged.

Another person is lamenting about being jealous of everyone getting engaged.

Almost weekly, another friend is sharing ring pictures on Facebook and Instagram.

Pinterest’s home feed is filling with pictures of “Wedding Ideas”.

Let’s face it: You’re social media feed seems overrun with talk of marriage.

Maybe you’re in one of these groups. Maybe you’re the one who posted they just got engaged (congratulations!). Maybe you’re the one who was lamenting over not rocking a ring of your own.

Or maybe you’re me… married in college.

Over Fall Break, my husband and I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony. Senior artist and photographer Carolyn Snyder photographed the ceremony (go check out her blog if you want to see pictures and samples of her work). Stuff went wrong, but at the end of the day, we will uttered “I do”. We kissed, we danced, we went home happy.

There are so many myths and preconceived ideas I had about being engaged, planning a wedding, and being married while still being in school. Over the last few months, I’ve found out just what it’s like to juggle school with a wedding and marriage.

There is a difference between being in a committed relationship in college and being married in college, much like how there is a difference between being in a relationship and being married out of school.

 Things change, rapidly. Priorities, despite how much you resist, must change. If you choose, as I did, to get married in college, you have to be ready (and I can’t stress this any more) for things to change. You have to be ready to learn about yourself, change yourself, and love someone more than you ever thought you had the ability to do.

 If you really commit to being married while you’re still in school, and you really put forth the effort to work on it and make it work, in this demanding time of your life, not only will you make it, but it will definitely be in the top five most rewarding things you will ever do in your life.

Some things that change include how you spend your time, how you spend your money, how you view and handle school, how you interact with other people you’re in class with or hang out with, and physical aspects of your relationship.

 Some things that become definitely something include sex, budgeting and finances, decisions, spending quality time together, living together. Some of these things may have been part of your relationship before, but marriage is not a simplifier, but a complicator. Now it is part of everyday life. You both have now pledged to each other “until death do you part”, so it’s all real. It’s not a game. He’s not playing dad and you’re not playing mom. You are the house, and you’re going to have to step up and be that.

If you are wishing you were getting married or you’re getting married, I lovingly advise you to think very hard about what marriage means, take some time to talk about your expectations and what you’re both bringing to the relationship — good, bad, and ugly, do some premarital counseling, and then be prepared to work very hard. It’s going to be worth it.

Check back into the blog for more about being married in college throughout this year and tweet us your questions and experiences!