“To look almost pretty is an acquisition of higher delight to a girl who has been looking plain the first fifteen years of her life than a beauty from her cradle can ever receive.” – Jane Austen
While everyone sees the concept of beauty in their own way, no one can deny that looks are a factor in the way we acknowledge, perceive, and treat people. While the majority of the time we do not see billboard supermodels walking around, we’ve all seen the most beautiful girl in school or the pretty coworker and have had thoughts of envy, self-doubt or comparison. In an ideal world, we could all love our own bodies and find ourselves unconditionally beautiful, but in reality, we all have one or two things we would like to change or improve on.
But what do you do if you’re almost there?
In my preteen years, I, along with everyone else my age, went through an awkward stage of development. My body gained curves, my skin secreted oil, my legs didn’t grow an inch, and I became unattractive. I had lost my childhood “cuteness” and was lovingly given the nickname of “The Little Ugly Elf” from my fellow schoolmates.
While I continued to develop, in high school I was always the least attractive of my friends. They all were blessed with fast metabolisms and natural beauty and my body simply was not built in the same way. My friends were supportive, but they had no idea how lucky they were. I went through tubes of makeup, body slimmers, expensive clothes and fad diets that led to an eating disorder just to feel like I was at least average. But I still had a double chin when I looked from side to side and a muffin top that made me hate myself whenever I sat down.
After my first year of college, I decided to make a significant life change. I lost over thirty pounds and I could not believe the response of the people around me. The compliments were like heroin and had never felt more aware of my body.
But then the size I was became normal. The compliments stopped and I became convinced that new things were wrong with my body. I knew that when I looked in the mirror I was “almost” confident. I thought that if I just lost a couple more pounds…if I just was a few inches taller… if my hips were just slightly narrower, I could count myself with the beautiful people.
It was then that I realized that, even through all my growth, I have never been there. I have never been pretty; at least not for myself. The most I have ever allowed myself to believe is that I’m “almost” there.
I feel so blessed to say that I know I have people in my life who love me regardless of what I look like and that there are people who find me beautiful. When the days come that my mirror is too harsh for me to look through, I try to see what other people see in me. I know that it can be so easy to fall into the cycle of feeling like you are “almost” enough. Every time you fix one perceived problem, something else will take its place, and you always feel like there is something you need to correct. But if you allow this cycle to continue, you will never find true comfort in who you are, and everyone deserves to feel at home in their body.
The truth is our physical reality does not make up who we are as people. How we see ourselves does not determine our self-worth. Only we can decide where our goals lie and when we have made it past the “almost” stage and achieved happiness in who we are.
Stay Empowered, Ladies!