Dating Yale Men: A Summary

** This article is written from a heteronormative perspective: I am not writing this to exclude other perspectives; I am simply sharing my personal experience**

Let’s face it: Yale has a tiny dating pool. As a straight (and very single) woman, I am constantly disappointed by this fact. Despite there being about 2000 eligible undergraduate straight men (don’t quote me on it), I could probably count the number of guys I would hypothetically “date” with one hand. One finger down for my ex-boyfriend. That leaves four. Please help.

In my humble & cynical opinion, it seems that about 99% of ~straight Yale men~ can be classified into a few categories, most of which eliminate them from the dating pool and leave many of us girls, who would actually date someone, perpetually single.

1. The ones in relationships since they were first-years. You know those men. During Camp Yale, or maybe early second semester freshman year, this boy found the love of his life. This guy has been dating his girlfriend for a long time. They are in LOVE, have often traveled the world together, and spend about 6-7 nights a week together. They can often be found cuddling in your common room.

2. The fuckboys (either lowkey or highkey). These are the ones who constantly get around. But as men, they often do not get a negative reputation for doing so. They’ve probably hooked up with you and at least 3 other people in your friend group. Do not try to tie down a fuckboy: he will not be tamed. Since they are charming, you may think you had a connection with them. But do not be fooled, he is using you for a hookup.

3. The normal guys “not looking for relationships”. Yes, they may be out there. The cute, smart, kind, perfect, very dateable men. But they’re “not looking for anything serious” at the time. Nor do they really get around. They just focus on school and “the boys.”

4. The boys dating their high school sweethearts. They still exist! These couples make you feel like love is real and pure. Throughout the last few years, although at different schools, these couples have managed to stay together and stand the test of time. It’s actually really cute.

5. Your friends’ exes or ex-hookups. Yale is small, but your social sphere is even smaller. This social sphere could be a residential college, frat, cultural house, sports team, acapella group, etc. Your friends may have scouted out men not in categories 1, 2, 3, or 4 (wow they were lucky!), and they were with them for some time. But alas, that relationship came to a sad end. This boy is now off-limits to anyone who is relatively close with this friend. If this limit is breached, it will lead to monstrous amounts of drama.

So as a straight female, where does this lead you? You cannot cut into category 1 or 4 without being a horrible person. Category 2 will just lead you to be disappointed (trust me, I know). Maybe you can transform a category 3 male? Idk. Category 5 also gets pretty iffy.

Despite seeming cynical, I do have hope for Yale men. If I find the right guy and we vibe, I will gladly hook up with and/or eventually date him. But it has to be the right guy: no one should ever waste their time. We are too busy for that! But with these facts in mind, I have come to terms with my singleness. I’ll spend my nights with my friends, and honestly, I like it better that way.

• relationships