Ah yes, Valentine’s Day. You love it or you hate it. Maybe you’re one of those people who always has a Valentine, maybe you’re one of those people who approaches the holiday with deep despair and/or vitriol, or maybe you’re elated at the prospect of eating lots and lots of candy by yourself in your room.
As somebody who has not had, ahem, the most beautiful and interesting love life, I decided to compile a list of all the Valentine’s Days in my recent memory to make you (hopefully) feel better about your February 14th. Prepare yourselves for some Extremely Boring Content, ladies!
2011: I was twelve years old. Sixth grade. Life was great. I had a Disneyland annual pass and the lead role in a middle school play. During rehearsal on Valentine’s Day, a boy asked me to be his Valentine. I said yes. It was very cute. The next day, I started “dating” his best friend. Yikes. (Also, can I ask why 12 year old me had more prospects than 21 year old me?)
2012: I had found true love. He was a skater boy. He wore Vans and had blue eyes and floppy dark brown hair. He also, naturally, did not know that I existed. On Valentine’s Day, I wore my neon pink zip-up Aeropostale hoodie to school with the intention of ~wowing~ skater boy with my incredible fashion sense. Needless to say, this was a lonely, lonely day for young, sad me.
2013: My date cancelled on me the day before the 8th grade Winter Formal. So, I spent this Valentine’s Day (a few days after the dance) declaring to anyone and everyone that love is dead.
2014: My FIRST REAL BOYFRIEND EVER surprised me in the middle of Spanish class with a teddy bear, flowers, and a heart-shaped box full of chocolates. It was very romantic. Then I broke up with him a week later. Why, you ask? I don’t really remember. Maybe it seemed like an edgy thing to do. Yikes.
2015: I had a math test and cried during it.
2016: After having recently ended a relationship with a boy I had been dating for over six months, I spent this Valentine’s Day as a Newly Empowered Single Woman.
2017: ??? I can’t recall one thing about this day.
2018: My first Valentine’s Day at Yale!!! I had an exam in Issues Approach to Biology (Now known as Biology, the World, and Us) and then decorated stale heart-shaped cookies on the floor of my dorm with my suitemates. Next, we watched a 90’s rom com and I went to bed by 10:30 in preparation for my 9 AM class the next day. This is too wholesome. Ugh.
2019: This is the day I learned that Yale Men(™) Suck! Should I have known that before Valentines Day, 2019? Yes. Did I? In theory. Did the knowledge help? Absolutely not!
2020: To be determined. Will it be uneventful? Probably. Am I still hopeful? Yes. Will I be disappointed? Most likely.
And that’s that. What have I learned from my history of abysmal, disappointing, non-exciting Valentine’s Days? Mostly that February 15th is a much better holiday because all the heart-shaped chocolate boxes go on sale at CVS. Love will fail you, but chocolate won’t. Amen.