It wasn’t until just about a week ago, when I was talking to my brother about what seemed like an overwhelmingly prominent culture of promiscuity among freshmen at Yale, that I was introduced to the phenomenon that is “cuffing season.” As a native Californian, the concept was foreign to me. So, I decided to do some research, naturally starting at the greatest source of knowledge: Urban Dictionary.
The top definition on urbandictionary.com states:
During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.
Brittany: Why is everyone trying to holla this week like outta no where?
Tiara: You know cuffing season is in full effect right?
Brittany: Oh yeah you right. I know I wont be sleeping alone this weekend.
Despite the many typos and interesting choice of example in Urban Dictionary’s definition, it makes sense. Who wants to walk around in the snow searching for a hookup when you can just stay inside, make some coffee and maybe Netflix and chill with someone on the regular?
If you’re still having some trouble understanding what “cuffing season” is, here are some charts created published by The Huffington Post last year that might make the concept slightly more clear…or just make you laugh a little.
First off, it is important to note the linear relationship between temperature and desire to be cuffed.
Also, geography plays an important role in deciding who will be affected by cuffing season. This is why I, as a California girl, was previously unfamiliar with the concept. As you see in this graph, New Haven is highly susceptible to cuffing season.
And this one…well…this one is just funny.
So now that we understand what cuffing season is, it’s time to delve deeper. Thank goodness for brobible.com and their article, “The Official Guide To Cuffing Season.” BroBible has prepared a clear outline for us so that we understand when to start cuffing and when we need to stop.
The article not only lays out the timing of cuffing season events, but also makes the realities of cuffing season known. Dub J, its author, writes, “As you can probably guess, cuffing season is not about romance. It’s about convenience, lust, laziness and a small semblance of respect.” It is “more or less a need-based business transaction/preventative measure against lonely pizza and internet porn” or, more scientifically put, “a symbiotic relationship” where guys get sex and girls get to say they’re in a relationship. So, in Dub J’s words, “Everyone wins.” (Thank you, BroBible, for the gross stereotypes.)
He also reminds us not to get too involved because cuffing season is in fact temporary. This means no real dates and no real feelings because “as soon as May hits, the relationship should start minimizing to strictly 2 a.m. calls/texts in only the most desperate of circumstances” and after it’s all said and done “thank them for their contributions and let them know that they’ve been cut from the squad.” And if you think you still want to be cuffed come spring time, you should probably just download Tinder.
So get ready, Yalies! I hope you’ve been doing well in Training Camp and are ready to make your final roster cuts because it’s officially cuffing season.