Leaves aren’t the only things that change, fall and grow again.
A summer spent embracing girlhood (thanks to Barbie, The Summer I Turned Pretty and Taylor Swift), soaking in the sun-filled days and the sunsets that splashed over the sky, has transformed into crisp air. Autumn brings a different tone, where “past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold” (Swift 2021).
Maintaining my summer mantras look and feel different in the autumn season. I notice that not only leaves change… but so do I… and so does the rest of the world.
Leaves are beautiful to look at as they turn into shades of red, yellow and brown. But leaves change colors because they are dying. Their transition signifies both endings and new beginnings, which is actually a a very lively process.
Someone once told me that they consider the “new year” to be in September rather than January. This is because every September marks the start of the new school year, where students set goals for themselves, resembling resolutions. My own “new year” was more rattling when I started teacher’s college at my university. It has been a transition of change from my undergraduate studies that I had become accustomed to.
Entering the field of education has evoked so much excitement and exposed some of my deepest fears and insecurities. Will I be good enough? Am I cut out for this?
I don’t think I noticed the magic of autumn until now, when I am “adulting” – or attempting to. Fall is aesthetically pleasing (Instagram can prove it) and it gives me a sense of both comfort in my present and hope for my future. I have plans, dreams, and aspirations in the back of my pocket that I feel are ready to see the light of day.
However, just as how leaves pick up and rustle around, people around me are experiencing different things, making me apprehensive about my own journey. I can only describe it as growing pains, feeling stuck between this liminal stage between adolescence and adulthood.
And finally, the most pivotal moment of change yet. Not everyone I meet is meant to stay for a lifetime, because in some cases, paths intersect solely for a season.
I knew that one individual in my life was destined to leave; an experience that should’ve lasted one season. Years went by instead, but the hard-hitting truth was felt when the leaves started to change, as did their heart.
The timing of autumn and this sudden moment of realization is all too symbolic and coincidental. So, “Now I know why all the trees change in the fall” (Swift 2021). They must change to prepare for their upcoming growth. Even trees let go of their leaves.
As I blow out my birthday candles this year, my wish is to fall in love with life this fall. Because even though leaves hit the ground, they are not on the ground forever.
For those understanding how I feel, may this autumn bring a change in direction and a refocusing of thoughts. Be gentle with yourself and understand life’s balancing contradictories. May you seek warmth in people and places, without forgetting that some warmth should be a gift to yourself from yourself.
As for me, I’ll be wearing my own hoodie this fall.