So, you and your partner have been arguing for a week now about a petty fight and you just can’t shake it. While you’re completely in love with them, this whole situation has just really thrown your relationship off a smooth sailing course. Sometimes it’s a fight and other times it’s a fight. When you’re really frustrated and your SO is getting on your nerves, it can be confusing where to go next. Is this just a bump in the road, or the end of the line?
Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a month or a year, reflecting on what is and isn’t working out between you and your partner is the best way to learn, grow, and move forward. Critically thinking about your relationship is something you should always practice, even if you are head-over-heels in love!
I am a firm believer in introspection because it helps me better understand what my needs are and where I’m feeling fulfilled. I’ve been with my current partner for a year now, and aside from his constant dad jokes and my friends loving him more than me, I couldn’t be happier because I’m always examining what direction we should be headed in.
If you’re currently navigating some relationship turmoil, don’t stress immediately, because it happens! Believe it or not, no one has a perfect relationship, no matter how many couples around you seem like they do. If you’re not sure where you and your SO stand right now, I’ve provided some tips you help you figure it out. They will surely help you weigh how important these qualities are to you and will help you determine if this rough patch in your relationship is just a phase or truly the end.
- Decide if this is something you can talk through
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One of the most important qualities in a relationship is having a partner you can openly communicate with. When things get rocky and you’re feeling annoyed with your SO, you need to be able to talk in a healthy and mature way about what’s going on. If your partner has been texting you non-stop and you aren’t able to focus on other tasks, it can be pretty annoying, but maybe not time to completely break it off. However, if your SO is really bad at texting back or letting you know what’s going on in their life – looking into that is a serious priority to save your relationship.
In any relationship, you’ll want to know that you are being listened to when you’re expressing your needs – and hope that your partner feels comfortable doing the same. It takes two to converse, and if during this tough time your SO feels like that aren’t able to, this is a major red flag that it’s more than just a relationship rough patch.
If your communication is lacking and doesn’t feel like something that can be fixed, it may be time to end things.
- See if setting up boundaries heals the relationship
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Having boundaries is vital to any positive relationship, romantic or not. Making sure you have time to be alone and see other friends/family is so important, especially if you’ve been feeling annoyed with your partner lately.
Dayna Bier, a student at Boston University says, “it’s easy to get invested and want to learn everything your partner likes, but you have to remember that it’s still important to keep yourself as a priority. Don’t lose touch with your friends and family and certainly don’t change yourself.”
Having some space apart is fundamental to maintaining your own identity, and it makes coming back together with your SO all the more exciting. Sometimes when you’ve seen too much of each other, especially during a busy and stressful week, then feeling annoyed with your SO might be from too much exposure or feeling overwhelmed. That’s something that can totally be fixed if you allow yourself some distance to refresh!
But if after distance and time alone to process, you’re still bitter and resentful, this is a sign that there’s something larger bringing your relationship apart.
- Get advice from the people close to you.
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I think you should trust yourself and your own decision, but sometimes friends and family can offer helpful input when they analyze your relationship. This may not be because they necessarily know what’s best for you, but because they might see an aspect of yourself or a trait of your SO that you haven’t realized yet.
Seeing if they get along with your friends and/or family can be a good step if you value their opinions to determine the next step in your relationship if you are unsure. If your closest confidants get a bad vibe from your SO, you may want to take a step back and examine your relationship. If they see concerning behavior, that is definitely not something to overlook!
After I broke up with my ex, a lot of family and friends told me they did not see him as the right fit. He wasn’t very conversational and gave off a bad vibe. With my current partner, my family and girlfriends adore him and always want him to tag along for dinner and events. My dad even has a laugh track recorded with my partner’s voice (long story)! If your family and/or friends don’t see major red flags, then this fight might run its course.
If they aren’t too thrilled, perhaps looking into their concerns is a good first step before determining if this is truly the end.
- Love, support, and effort.
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I think all of these qualities go hand-in-hand because if they love you, they will support you, and subsequently put in the necessary effort to make your relationship work and overcome rough patches. We all need to feel supported in different ways, whether that be words of affirmation or physically being there.
Another big quality is effort. Without putting in the time, there isn’t much of a relationship. Even with super busy schedules, making quality time for each other is essential. Even if that means sitting in silence catching up on homework, grabbing lunch, or even a quick FaceTime call to say goodnight – so be it.
Jessica Block, a student at the University of Rhode Island says, “a relationship is like an ideal group project, but when your partner doesn’t put the effort in, you’re the one putting in all the work and you keep getting frustrated because your hard work isn’t being reciprocated.” If you feel like you are putting all the work into your relationship, you should take a step back and evaluate what being loved and supported means to you.
If you aren’t being loved and supported the way you need to be, then this may be the end of the line. You deserve to be in a relationship where you have your feelings reciprocated and a person who is there for you in the way you need them to be.
If you’re going through a rough patch, hopefully thinking about these qualities will help you reexamine what is important to you in a relationship. Whether you and your SO decide to work through it or take different paths, always remember to think about what is best for you and your long-term relationship goals! This will definitely help you in the future when deciding if it’s just a phase or really the end.