Around this time each year, my memory has a tendency to haunt me. Occasionally, I find myself thinking back on the beautiful flower bouquets I used to receive and chocolate-covered strawberries I once took pride in making for someone special. But I guess there’s a reason why these are all memories: relationships end and Valentine’s Day traditions get left in the past.
2021 may not be the first year that I’ll be spending this international day of love with just me, myself, and I, but it certainly marks the first time having to survive this holiday alone while in the midst of an international health crisis.
Generally speaking, I’ve tried to make the most of my time as a single woman in college. Since my last committed relationship ended nearly two years ago, I was able to make myself a priority; I started going to therapy, declared a major, excelled in class, and enjoyed more nights out with my friends than I can count.
But as much as I’ve loved — and needed — this time on my own, feeling lonely is inevitable sometimes (not to mention that the latter half of those two years has now been preoccupied with periods of COVID-19 isolation).
Regardless of whether you’re planning to celebrate by yourself or with a significant other, spreading the love may look and feel a little different during the pandemic.
From the single perspective
To be fair, dating wasn’t necessarily at the top of my 2020 to-do list, and it hasn’t been one of my prime concerns in the new year so far either. I don’t regret this decision, and there’s no need to justify being single, but I do think it’s important to consider how COVID-19 has impacted dating.
This past November, Vox writer Elizabeth Segran published an article about the difficulties of trying to date amid restrictions and health concerns. After speaking with both researchers and single adults, she concluded that COVID-19 has “slammed the brakes on dating.”
So, what does this mean for the single population this time of year?
We’ve already lost so much
If you’ve spent the past several months separated from friends and family, or have had to repeatedly quarantine, maybe you’re expecting to feel more apprehensive than usual.
It’s no secret that coping with loss of all kinds has been a major side effect of the pandemic. To some, Valentine’s Day may be yet another reminder of lost opportunities for dating.
For example, I spent my entire time as an undergrad looking forward to being served at the bars in my college town. Since turning 21 over the summer, I’m glad to now be able to enjoy legal drinks with friends, yet I know that “going out” has a completely different meaning during COVID-19.
It seems a lot harder to meet new people when you aren’t allowed to physically stand around a crowded bar. Instead, Pennsylvania’s current restrictions require table-service only, with a limit of 10 people per party. Penn State junior Angelina Lucarelli also recognized this struggle, especially when doing so increases your chances of being exposed.
“We all feel so alone right now, and it’s tough to add being single on top of that,” Angelina says. “So Valentine’s Day is like super isolation.”
Sometimes it’s frustrating to think about what my love life could look like right now if I could freely approach someone at the bar. Would things be different if I could simply meet a date out for a drink?
Or does FOMO not exist anymore?
On the other hand, maybe there’s not much to be missing out on these days.
The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics actually released a report just last month tracking changes in consumer behavior due to the coronavirus. Their research revealed a significant increase in “protective behaviors”: ones performed with the intention of minimizing exposure to the virus, such as online shopping, curbside deliveries, and avoiding dine-in restaurants.
This train of thought puts me in a more optimistic position for the holiday.
Whether you’ll be physically or just romantically alone on the 14th, rest assured that this struggle is also being shared by many! I’ve found that it helps to remind myself that the pandemic has affected essentially everyone — and their plans — at one point or another, and then I don’t feel so lonely.
“I have a lot less FOMO about staying in, ” says Penn State sophomore Sam*. “On Valentine’s Day, I’ll be excited to get take out and watch movies with my roommate instead.”
How couples are coping
Even though I don’t have romantic plans of my own this year, I didn’t want to ignore the other half of the population that does. It’s just as important to validate and include the fact that a COVID-19 Valentine’s Day likely affects couples, too.
In her own life, Penn State senior Julia Morris has observed how the pandemic has changed dating. When it comes to spending time with her SO, she shared that it’s been a lot more about just hanging at each other’s houses and watching movies than going out and doing various activities.
“I think Valentine’s Day might be less extravagant,” Julia says. “A lot of restaurants still seem to be open, so couples can still do that if they’re comfortable. I wouldn’t think there’d be as many plans for travel this year.”
As a Pittsburgh native, Julia shared that she made reservations to celebrate with a dinner in the city. The options available for celebrating safely, comfortably, and in compliance with restrictions are bound to vary from state to state, though.
But for Julia and her boyfriend, she said that they’d probably be spending the night in the same way even if COVID-19 wasn’t a factor. To others, like Temple University senior Mallory Sanders, date nights will be more disappointing.
“I was hoping to go to the One Liberty Observation Deck,” Mallory says. “It offers a 360- degree view of Philadelphia, but has been closed because of the virus.”
She added that she was hoping to do something different from previous years, but in light of the circumstances, will likely end up dining out again.
*Name has been changed.