Halloween is less than a week away, and I’ve realized that I’m slacking on my Halloween festivities — I haven’t carved a pumpkin, I haven’t bought candy for trick-or-treaters and I haven’t found a costume for Halloween yet. Okay, I have Halloween costumes, but I like to keep up with all the trendy costumes.
Although I could just buy a costume, finding a decent costume at the last minute can be incredibly expensive (and annoying). As a gal on a college student’s budget, I’m not about to spend $80 on a Wonder Woman costume, even if I really want to treat myself. Instead, I’m going to pray to the Gods of crafting and makeup that I can put together a makeshift costume before Oct. 31. (Which means I just have to channel my inner Chrisspy and Amber Scholl.)
In order to make the timeline more dramatic, I gave myself a day to figure out what I wanted to dress up as and to actually put that costume together. (TBH, the deciding was the most time-consuming part of the process).
Because I’m completely obsessed with Halloween, love a good creepy costume and am obsessed with everything entomology, I finally chose to go as a spider (and her brood). Okay, I was also hella inspired by this arachnid-themed makeup look.
After making the difficult decision of cutting mermaid, snake and Poison Ivy from my potential costumes list, I had to destroy my apartment to find the supplies to become the spider queen that I’m destined to be.
Okay, I didn’t have all the materials necessary just lying around my apartment. I had to buy some fake cobwebs and spiders. Unfortunately, none of the stores around me had generic black fake spiders, so instead I had to settle for a variety pack of spider rings. However, I wasn’t too upset, seeing as they were less than a dollar a bag.Â
Snipping the ring parts off the purple and black spiders only added a few more minutes to my costume-making countdown. (Seriously, my severely arthritic phalanges were able to cut the rings, so you can too.)
Before I even thought about gluing down my spiders, I thought I’d test out sketching some freehand spider webs onto the dress. So I didn’t ruin this super pricey dress (it was $4.95), I turned the bottom of the dress inside-out and practiced my scribbles there. If I screwed up, which, of course, I did, nobody would be able to know… minus everyone who reads this.Â
Clearly from the streakiness of the white gel pens (not fabric markers), the spider web doodles weren’t going to make the cut for this costume. After stress-sobbing over my failed spider web detailing, I remembered that BA spider b*tches don’t cry. So I went right back to work.
While I temporarily brooded over my failure, I tried to pick the perf witches’ color scheme for the outfit — purple and black. Then, I put the purple and black spiders wherever I thought looked aesthetically pleasing (because, despite attending illustration classes, I still know nothing about composition). I rearranged my spiders on my t-shirt dress multiple times — with no discernable difference — and took out my trusty E6000 fabric glue and stuck them onto the dress.
If you’ve never used fabric glue before, it’s so much easier than sewing (especially for those of us who are lazy AF). However, there’s still an art to using fabric glue efficiently. For example, refraining from getting it all over your carpet and hands (which I only mastered about a week ago) because it’s pretty toxic stuff. This is why I wear latex gloves while working with it, and it doesn’t hurt that I used nail art stippling tools to “dab” the glue onto my spiders.
Somehow I managed to not leave a trail of glue around my house, make my spider-infested dress and some swanky spider hair clips. *But* I did manage to inadvertently glue thousands of loose cat hairs to the costume.
Yet, I still had the most treacherous task to finish: the makeup.
My skin’s prepared for last 48 hours for this moment, mostly because of the copious amount of moisturizers, serums and face masks I’ve used to ensure my face doesn’t hate me as much after beating it to holy hell Halloween. Though, all my skincare prep is still no match my probably most definitely expired makeup.
Regardless, Halloween only comes once a year and I’m going to use all my wannabe MUA “skills” to turn into a dang spider. After all, what is a Halloween costume ever complete without three pounds of makeup and the inevitable breakout that follows?
After spending over an hour trying to look like a knockoff Lactrodectus genus member, I said “good enough.”  While my eyes might be a bit lopsided, my chelicerae are on fleek. However, my purple and blue wig and cobweb “hairpiece” really complete this look.
I also decked out my cane in cobwebs and fake spiders, because my arthritis was flaring up. To be fair, my cane is a huge part of my outfits approximately 40 percent of the time — mostly because without my cane or wheelchair I wouldn’t be able to able to show-off my subpar fashionable attire. Therefore, it gets to be an honorary part of my costume. Granted, it would probably help my temperamental joints if I didn’t wear heels, but do as I say not as I do, right?
This left me to finally try on my dress and hope that all my spiders cling to it (which it did, as the pictures prove). Granted, I didn’t wait the recommended seven days for the fabric glue to dry, but it was dry enough for all my spiderlings to survive a costume contest (where I lost to Fashion Nova cat woman costume).
I made a last minute #Halloween costume and finally fulfilled my lifelong dream of becoming a #spider. #Halloween2017 pic.twitter.com/Z5BYRMAgtI
— C Jacks (@cjacks_draw) October 26, 2017
While I’ve made my Halloween costumes every year for the last six years, I’ve usually spent several months in advance strategically researching, prepping and crafting my costumes; this year is different because I’ve finally embraced the overachieving slacker that I am. Honestly, I’m pretty proud of my haphazard costume-making skills. The only thing this Halloween costume is missing is four other appendages. It’s okay though; I’ll just claim that I’m a spider that lost a couple pairs of legs in a fight with a praying mantis.
Although it might not be every college-aged woman’s dream to become a spider for Halloween (even if spiders are awesome), hopefully you’re inspired by my struggles to make your own last minute Halloween costume. After all, you shouldn’t miss out on Halloween just because you don’t have a costume. Instead of donning your 5-year-old Snow White dress, make your own personalized costume and reap all the Halloween-themed rewards — like haunted houses and costume parties.Â