Think you came up with a truly terrific costume this year? A current, relevant pop culture reference, maybe, or a super-sexy group ensemble? Well, you may have to think again. Chances are, if you came up with an idea, someone else did, too. And while it’s not earth shattering for two costume clones to appear at the same party, it kind of sucks when everywhere you go, there are ten people dressed like you—or twenty or thirty. So this year, stay away from overdone, played-out, unoriginal costumes, and try to come up with something truly fresh and funny—for everyone’s sake! Because I care about you and want to help you maintain at least a shred of dignity, I’ve listed below what are sure to be the ten most clichéd Halloween costumes of 2009:
1. Octo-mom I know you thought this was a really original idea, but I’m warning you—EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE DOING IT. Please, please, please don’t waste your money on a pair of fake lips and eight plastic babies to carry around all night when there will be a hundred other girls in the exact same outfit! One Octo-mom is evil enough; if a thousand girls dressed up as her for Halloween this world would surely come to an end. The costume is not only clichéd, but cumbersome as well. Imagine meeting a guy and telling him you need to put your eight kids down before you go somewhere! Most girls our age would go to great lengths to AVOID such a situation—octuplets are not exactly the hottest party accessory.
2. Sexy Animal As Regina George so aptly put it back in ’04, “The hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal ears.” This was overdone in 2004, and, believe it or not, it’s still overdone now. Your sexy black cat costume, despite how hot it is, is not exactly original. And for all you sexy bumblebees out there: not only does your outfit lack sting, but that black-and-yellow ruffled confection is truly painful to look at. Come on, girls, we’re in college—let’s think outside the box a little, or at least outside the bunny/mouse hole.
3. French Maid This costume has probably had a place on lists such as this one for decades; for some reason, no one can ever forget about it. Do maids even dress like this anymore? The costume can easily be seen as derogatory towards women, not to mention hideous and boring. Your crinkly, voluminous mountain of ruffles won’t win you one ounce of attention, unless you meet someone with a tickling fetish, in which case that duster may come in handy! But if you insist upon wearing such a snooze of a costume as this one, I absolutely insist that you refrain from attempting a sexy French accent—you’ll be branded either terminally annoying or certifiably insane.
4. The Swine Flu As funny as it may seem, I guarantee this will be one of the most overdone costumes on your campus this year. If you walk into a party in a pig mask with a box of Kleenex, you’ll soon be met with at least ten other sniffling swines, and you’ll all be quarantined for the party. No one wants to be reminded of sickness on Halloween. And it’s actually a pretty sensitive subject—swine flu can get really nasty if you have an underlying condition, and you don’t want to step on any toes by trivializing a disease that may have seriously affected people at your school.
5. Lady GaGa I don’t know about everyone else, but I really don’t think I look that great without any pants on. If you disagree, and you think you can get away with a leotard, a ridiculous jacket or hat, and fishnets in public, go ahead—but don’t say I didn’t warn you. There will be a million other girls in the same costume, and most of them will look pretty ridiculous, too. Even the Lady herself can’t pull off her outfits half the time. If you insist on going GaGa, try to go for a particular motif; do Leather GaGa, or Eighties GaGa, or any other incarnation that leaves room for some kind of cohesive theme and not just fuzzy, sequined chaos.
6. Sexy Schoolgirl That’s really great if you went to a school that had a uniform (no worrying about getting dressed in the morning!), but you wore that hideous skirt for years and years when you were younger. Do you really want to waste your Halloween costume on something so boring as a skirt you wore to school every single day? A sexy top doesn’t make it better; it just makes you look desperate as well as unoriginal, like that girl at your school who secretly got her skirt shortened so she could break the dress code. And even if you trade your ballet flats for sexy pumps or boots, you’re still essentially dressing as yourself in high school, and who REALLY wants to relive those years?
7. Sexy Pirate I know, I know, it’s so cute—and so easy! All you have to do is put on a little pair of black shorts, a red t-shirt, and buy a bandana and an eye patch. I even made the mistake myself once. But any cuteness this costume may have once had has been long since cancelled out by the sheer volume of people who do it every year. Everyone’s been a pirate at least once, just like everyone’s been a black cat at least once and everyone’s been a witch at least once. Walk into a party in a costume as tired as this one and your shipmates will throw you overboard. Just don’t do it—I promise, you CAN think of a cute costume that doesn’t moonlight as a sleep aid.
8. Kate Gosselin That asymmetrical bob is scary enough on the real thing—when it’s imitated by thousands of women across the country, it will have every potential John running for the hills (or the hookers). With the amount of tabloid exposure this formerly ignored couple garnered over the summer, this costume has officially moved from the realm of the fresh and relevant to the valley of the overdone and over. Also, what would you wear with it? Mom jeans and an L.L. Bean fleece? Not exactly an attention-grabbing ensemble.
9. Michael Jackson Yes, he was a music icon, and yes, he was terrifying, but that still doesn’t make it OK to dress up as him this year. Have a little sympathy for the dead, people! Dressing up as MJ just reminds his fans of how devastating his death was, and his enemies of what a creepy man he was in life. Basically, you can’t win—you’ll have an awkward conversation at every party you attend. And for those of you thinking of buying a “dead MJ” mask of rotting flesh and rolling eyes, PLEASE reconsider. His face was ghoulish enough to begin with! You’ll be unoriginal and revolting at the same time, and who wants that?
10. Sexy Occupation You won’t be able to enter a single room this Halloween without seeing a sexy cop, sexy nurse, sexy pilot, sexy firefighter…the list goes on and on. While these costumes may be easy for very large groups to coordinate (if you feel like emblazoning “bulk order from spencergifts.com” across your forehead), they are excruciatingly dull and incredibly demeaning. On Halloween, slutted-up professional uniforms are ubiquitous among college-aged women, but on the other 364 days of the year, they’re preferred by a different demographic—bachelor-party strippers. Do you really want to look like a stripper on Halloween? I didn’t think so. So, if I’m correct, I’ve probably just shot down every single one of your costume ideas. But have no fear, it’s way easier than you think to put together a decent costume! Here are some tips:
- If you want to use a pop culture reference as a costume, don’t go for something that’s really hot right now. Use a classic and funny costume that everyone forgot about, like Britney’s red pleather catsuit from the “Oops, I did it Again” video or the dancing lobsters from Nickelodeon’s “The Amanda Show”. Everyone will genuinely laugh at your outfit, and no one will be dressed like you!
- If you can’t think of a single thing to wear, try to build a costume out of a single item of clothing you’ve always wanted to wear but never got the chance. Dying for that gold lamé American Apparel bodysuit? Go as Madonna circa “Confessions on a Dance Floor”! Haven’t found a place to wear that bright red blazer you bought last summer? Hello, Heather Chandler from Heathers! Be creative and work around stuff you already have with accessories—Claire’s and Forever 21 are great places to buy cheap, fun jewelry, hats, and other special touches.
- If you insist on going “sexy occupation” or “sexy animal”, at least try to think outside the box a little bit. Don’t do sexy nurse or sexy cop, do sexy tattoo artist or sexy scientist. Ditch the black-cat and bumblebee costumes, and be a sexy zebra or a sexy panda instead (believe, me, I’ve seen the panda done and it actually looks amazing!).
- If you have a best friend or guy you want to party with on Halloween, try to do a costume together! Two friends dressed as, for example, Romy and Michelle will garner a lot more attention than two pirates. And there are tons of amazing ideas for couples—think of all the hilarious couples throughout history! You and your guy could go as Brittany and Justin (denim ball gowns at the VMA’s edition), or Rachel Zoe and her fabulous assistant, Brad. Just don’t do anyone that the world just recently forgot about (TomKat, Lindsay and SaMAN), and PLEASE, I BEG of you, don’t do the Gosselins (Kate is bad enough on her own)!