Sex. It’s happening on every college campus, but exactly what is going down isn’t always clear.
We asked 32 real college women to tell the truth about sex on their college campus, and here’s what they had to say.
It feels like everyone on campus is having sex 24/7 and that all people do is talk about sex, getting laid, and who’s hooking up with whom. On such a small campus it seems like everyone has slept with the same people, but despite all of that I feel very safe on campus.
-Manda, Manhattanville College Class of 2018
I think that people are having sex around me and the thought of that makes me feel uncomfortable. I just hope that everyone is safe about it.
-Sand, Emmanuel College Class of 2019
I think the sexual culture on my campus is a hook-up culture. At least for the first two years, there doesn’t seem to be many relationship-seeking individuals. Everyone seems to be looking for a hook-up. If there is a prevalence of sexual assault they keep it under wraps. In the past I have not felt safe when it comes to sex, but right at this present moment I do. I think most people assume everyone else is having sex, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think less people are having sex than we assume. I do not think the women on my campus are sexually empowered; to me it feels like the men control everything.
-Margaret, Miami University Class of 2019
Related: The Truth About Virginity in College
There is a sexual assault problem at parties or when people are drinking, but on a daily basis I feel very safe on campus when it comes to sex. I feel like a lot of people are having sex but certainly not everyone is doing it. There’s a lot more freedom to do your own thing and no one is pressuring anyone to be sexually active. Men are typically in control of sex on campus. Females who try to be, or who are seen as having lots of sex, are considered sluts, while men are expected to have all sex all the time. It’s a huge double standard that exists here and throughout society.
-Rebecca, University of Maryland Class of 2017
I find myself being one of the only virgins I know, and whenever I “hook up” with someone, they almost always expect sex, and it’s hard to veer away from that and stay true to yourself when it’s the social norm.
-Mary, Winona State University Class of 2019
I am an asexual woman, so my take on sex on my campus is a little different. Sex is simultaneously nowhere and everywhere. Day-to-day I am fine. I am normal. But come the weekend, reminders of my differentness are everywhere. Talk is of hookups, drunken make-outs. Weekend fun is finding that hot boy/girl. It’s hard enough to find a party that doesn’t end in drunken debauchery. The end of a party is inevitably people coupling off and going home together. The result is dissected at brunch the next day. Sometimes I am able to go out, dance, and laugh and forget the undercurrent of sex. Other times I am shocked back to reality. Everyone is having sex. At least, that’s how it feels, despite what the statistics say. They must be wrong. Even my closest friends are having sex. It’s typical to talk about “sexual freedom.” But it’s hard to practice my own sexual freedom when it swings hard in the other direction. I could hook up with another girl and no one would blink an eye (probably some people would have their suspicions confirmed). But it’s harder than I expected to remain unfazed by all the sex surrounding me.
-Anonymous, Bowdoin College Class of 2017
I, personally, feel safe when it comes to sex because I have the morals where I won’t hookup with someone I just met. I do feel like a very large percentage of my campus does have sex, but that’s probably just because everyone talks about it, and nobody talks about not having sex.
-Alyssa, Miami University Class of 2019
Related: These Statistics About College Sex Habits Might Surprise You
I definitely know that everyone is having sex. My campus is 60% women and 40% men, so there is a wider variety of choosing for the males here. For a lot of women at my school, they want to meet a boy, fall in love and get married. However the men here know this, and definitely take advantage of it.
-Tori, High Point University Class of 2018
A lot of people are trying to break away from the “hookup culture”, so many people are either only with their significant other, a one-night-stand here and there, and there are a surprising amount of people who have never had sex.
-Milena, Miami University Class of 2019
I feel as if a large majority is having sex because of the bar scene and Tinder presence on campus. It’s easy to find a hook up after a night out as long as your mind is open to whomever.
-Brooklynn, Ohio University Class of 2017
I don’t participate in sexual activities or go to places where they are happening. I have heard of instances of sexual activity among people I have met and I have also gotten notified about cases of sexual assault. At this time, I feel safe, personally, but I am disgusted by the fact that anyone is having sex on campus.
-Victoria, Siena College Class of 2016
Everyone knows who is hooking up with whom.
-Elaine, California Lutheran University Class of 2018
Although, I have heard a few stories of sexual assault, I, at this point have never heard or seen proof of this, so to me I personally feel pretty safe when it comes to sex. I always have guy friends looking out for me at parties and that’s really helpful when it comes to these things. There are creepy guys everywhere so there are some guys who come off as predators here.
-Sierra, University of Notre Dame Class of 2019
I would say that the sex culture on my campus is one of safe, consensual sex. I haven’t heard of sexual assault on campus and would be surprised if I heard of one. Generally, the women on my campus seem to be sexually empowered and there is the general notion that sex is not something to shame anyone for having or not having. I don’t think everyone is having sex but I would say the majority of the campus is.
-Idalis, Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts Class of 2016
I feel like one night stands and friends with benefits relationships are very prevalent. Casual sex is the norm. I sometimes feel unsafe when it comes to sex because many guys expect sex if you leave a party or bar with them. They can sometimes become aggressive if you tell them you don’t want to go very far because they believe that they are “owed” sexual favors and that it was their “impression” that you were going to have sex with them.
-Bryce, Tulane University Class of 2018
When I came to FSU for the first time in my life I felt a strong sense of peer pressure. Everyone has sex and is nonchalant about it. Rape culture is huge with the fraternities and it’s genuinely terrifying.
-Megan, Florida State University Class of 2017
I feel like mostly everyone is empowered to have sex, but there is a strange expectation for frat guys to sleep with as many different girls as possible in order to impress their brothers. If you accept an invitation to date night, you are expected to put out.
-Gabrielle, Syracuse University Class of 2018
When I first came to campus, I was surprised at how relaxed the attitudes about sex were. In the mainstream media we are taught to fear parties and dorms because they are expected to be centers of sexual assault, but I do not personally feel like they are. I feel very safe when it comes to sex, and I feel that I make most of the decisions when it comes to partnering up with someone. Sticky situations may arise at parties or other gatherings where alcohol is served, but I have always felt free to extract myself and make my own choices.
-Lena, University of Massachusetts at Amherst Class of 2019
I feel the sex culture is hushed during the week because of the Jesuit influence on campus.
No girl or guys wear any clothing that display any sexual intent, though the weekend is a different story. There is not a prevalence of sexual assault, and I feel very safe when it comes to sex because I have a steady boyfriend whom I believe keeps this in check. However, there have been a few cases of rape released every year since I’ve been here, and that scares me. I think many people are having sex, yet a lot of people come in as virgins and would like to keep it that way until further notice. As for those sexually empowered, I believe the men THINK they are empowered, but really the women call the shots around here.
-Katie, John Carroll University Class of 2018
I’m at a women’s college so my scene is very different. I feel safe when it comes to that but also at the same time when guys do come around they feel like they have an upper hand. Maybe they target a women’s college because there really aren’t guys here too often.
-Sara, Brenau University Class of 2018
It’s abnormal for someone to want more than casual sex with their peers, which often leaves the rest of us hopeless romantics rather depressed.
-Mackenzie, Lasell College Class of 2019
Related: 7 Myths About Safe Sex, Debunked
Our first week here, we had a talk about sexual assault and rape, and although I haven’t heard any accounts of any incidents, I feel like Georgetown would be really helpful if anything were to happen. There are a lot of resources for support for victims. So far I’ve heard a lot about guys being generally respectful towards women when it comes to this sort of thing.
-Susana, Georgetown University Class of 2019
I think a lot of girls (and guys) feel a lot of pressure to do things they may not necessarily be ready for because they think they’re expected to or they might be treated differently if they don’t. So while it might be consensual sexual activity, that doesn’t mean it’s what they wanted. Just because women on campus are having sex doesn’t mean they’re sexually empowered. I actually think the women on our campus could benefit from being more sexually educated, but talking about anything sex-related at OSU is still taboo and uncomfortable for our administrators.
-Jamie, Oklahoma State University Class of 2016
Unfortunately, there is a prevalence of sexual assault at my school that reflects national statistics. A lot of this assault is perpetrated by acquaintances of the victim and alcohol is often involved. In my experience, men are still very much in control of sex even if it’s not immediately evident. Men often “booty call” women and they are usually the initiators, while women sometimes feel like they are not entitled to speaking up about what they want sexually. California is liberal enough that women are not judged for having sex — to a certain extent. Sl*t shaming still exists at UCLA, even among women themselves. Also, the hookup culture is alive and well here, as one-night stands and “walks of shame” are common occurrences.
-Iris, University of California, Los Angeles Class of 2016
I live in an engineering dorm and haven’t felt like sex is extremely prevalent to my life or everyone in my surroundings.
-Caitlin, University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign Class of 2018
Women are so very shamed for sex. The term ‘walk-of-shame’ can be heard all the time, but not once has it been mentioned for a man.
-Ana, Manhattanville College Class of 2019
In terms of safety, it’s not safe. Sexual assault statistics are far too high and women have to be on the lookout when downtown partying. It’s still like hunting game. I’d say the majority of men have matured enough and are more understanding of women’s preferences, but in general, the partying scene can be very dangerous for a woman because of sexual threats.
-Emma, University of Windsor Class of 2018
Many people don’t realize that they’re victims of rape when they actually are by definition.
-Amy, Bucknell University Class of 2018
There is definitely at least some pressure to have sex since this campus is heavy reliant on the bar scene and party life. Not that going to a party necessarily means you need to have sex, but typically guys go to parties thinking, “What girl am I bringing home tonight?”
-Stephanie, SUNY Oneonta Class of 2018
Related: Sexiling & Being Sexiled: A Collegiette’s Guide
During my first week at NYU a guy asked me to dance at a club; I naively said yes, not realizing that “dancing” really meant grinding. I tried to get away and tried to convey my distress to my friend, but she couldn’t do anything. Eventually he tapped me on the shoulder, so I turned around and he planted his open, slobbering mouth on my unsuspecting mouth. My friend and I high-tailed it out of the club and I haven’t been to one since.
-Hannah, NYU Class of 2019
There seems to be a lot of sexual assault on campus, there were three instances in the first two weeks of school. I feel like everyone is having sex. I think that women are much more in control of sex on campus than men; many of the girls I know are very sex positive and know how to make their desires known.
-Jack, University of Wisconsin-Stout Class of 2018
I feel safe when it comes to sex because I am introverted and don’t often interact with people, but I also know that sexual assault is a very common problem on campus. I have several friends who have been assaulted. I feel like many people are having sex, but not everyone. There is a lot of pressure on males to have as much sex as possible, while girls are shamed for it.
-Lucy, University of Connecticut Class of 2018