We check his Facebook profile. We know his class schedule. We rejoice whenever we spot him wearing our favorite sweater (because navy blue really brings out his eyes). The one thing we don’t do? Date him. At least, not yet.
Sound familiar? That’s because this scenario describes the dynamic between most of us collegiettes and our crushes. No shame. After all, what’s a crush without a little Facebook stalking every now and then? Sometimes, though, the most, ahem, devoted among us get a bit more creative, going beyond the boundaries of cyberspace to creep on our crushes. Now that we know the dos and don’ts of Facebook stalking, it’s time we step up our game and learn from these collegiettes and their sneakiest, most stalker-ish ways of cozying up to their crushes.
The Following Act
It’s a basic fact that every collegiette knows: the more often he sees you, the more often he’ll think about you. While some choose to believe in kismet, serendipity, fate, and any other principle that says we’ll simply stumble into the arms of our next great love (preferably en route to our morning lecture class, on a day when we actually had time to put on mascara), the rest of us are a little bit more impatient. Who says we have to wait around for Prince Charming, anyway? We’ve already spotted him and his astonishing arms from across campus, so we’ll be taking matters into our own hands, thank you very much.
Jenna*, a junior at the University of San Diego, didn’t sit idly by waiting for Mr. Right to find her, but instead took the initiative and pursued Mr. Right… literally. “My freshman year I had a crush on an upperclassman pre-med student,” she explains. “I’m in humanities, but I used to walk all the way across campus to the café next to the science building for lunch in the hopes of running into him and his friends.” (The best part? It worked! Two years and a whole bunch of stalker-ish lunches later, Jenna and her crush are still dating.)
Erica*, a junior at James Madison University, took the following act one step further. “I saw that this guy I was into had put up his class schedule on Facebook,” she admits, “and changed my route to class in order to see him.” Hey, what can you expect when you put up your schedule for the world to see? That’s either a rookie mistake or a serious invitation to stalk. (We prefer to believe it’s the latter.)
Sure, it would be awk-city if your crush discovered that you’d been following him around, but let’s get serious: is there an honest lady among us who can say that she’s never taken a special lap around a hallway or timed her lunch break just right in order to pass by that dreamy guy from orientation? We didn’t think so. As long as he doesn’t catch on to your paparazzi-style stakeouts (and you still have time to live your own life), you’re golden.
The Gift-Giving
While gift-giving can easily cross over from slightly stalker-ish to flat-out frightening, one collegiette managed the feat while coming off as more of a Casanova than a creeper.
“There was this one guy who I met the first week of school who I just couldn’t take my eyes off of – he looked like Ryan Gosling!” recounts Haley*, a junior at Skidmore College. “Months later, after only saying hi once or twice, I sent him an anonymous rose on Valentine’s Day. His hook-up buddy probably wasn’t too happy about it, but even though I had no intention of ever revealing that it was from me, I wanted to make him smile. And let him know there were other options out there, of course!” The gift-giving was enough for Haley; she never ended up making a move on the guy, and instead started looking for more available Campus Cuties.
It’s a sticky situation getting in between a guy and his girl – after all, that girl’s a collegiette just like us, and Real Live College Guy Ryan confirms that the middle is a tough place to be – but we can’t help but have some respect for this Zorro-esque, stalker-ish move. But beware: before you pull a move like this, make sure you’re sticking to girl code! If he’s in an official relationship or is hooking up with (or used to date) one of your friends, it’s best to keep your distance and seek out greener (and more available) pastures.
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The Trap
Like Haley, this next Campus Cutie-stalking mastermind is trying to work her way in between a couple. While she hasn’t gotten the guy yet, she’s already won our approval with her stroke of stalker genius.
“I haven’t spoken to this guy in six months,” Chelsea*, a sophomore at the University of Florida, reveals. “He has a girlfriend though. He has said he wants to talk to me again, but he is scared. When I was babysitting, I knew he wouldn’t recognize the address, so I ordered pizza from the place he delivers for. I figured I could make him talk to me if he was the one who delivered it, but he wasn’t.” Chelsea wasn’t too down in the dumps when her master plan didn’t work out, though. Looking on the brighter side of things, Chelsea says, “At least I got cheesy bread out of it.” Ah, silver linings.
Rachel*, a junior at Vanderbilt University, took a different approach to the trap tactic. “I couldn’t think of how to start a conversation with this guy I’d been on and off with for months,” she explains. “So, because our last names are really close together in the alphabet, I took a picture of the basketball game I was attending with my friends and pretended to send it to my mom, even though I sent it to him on purpose. Then when he responded all confused, I was like, ‘Oops, I meant to send that to my mom! But anyways… how have you been?’”
How did this classic stalker move work out for Rachel? “I was the biggest creeper ever,” she admits. “Needless to say, that relationship went nowhere, but I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for almost a year! So out of bad times come good.”
Tricking your crush into having a conversation with you? Understandable. Moving on to more realistic relationships when the stalking isn’t working? Impressive.
The Copycat
Like Mom always told us, the key to meeting the right guy is to be ourselves. If we do what we love, we’ll meet guys who are into the same stuff as we are, which means we’re much more likely to have that magic “aha” moment that we can only imagine Beyoncé and Jay-Z must have shared during their first private duet. Sigh.
But what’s a collegiette to do when her hobby or school club doesn’t exactly attract all the fellas? Or when her crush is interested in something entirely different?
Haley recounts the tale of one collegiette who proved serious about the phrase, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” “I had a friend at school who wanted to get to know this guy so badly that she ended up joining the foundry club – a.k.a. ironsmithing – just to hang out with him. It wasn’t her thing at all but it actually worked; they never dated, but they eventually became close friends. Plus, it must’ve been fun to have been the only one wearing a welding apron over polka dots.”
A++ for effort! As long as you’re not spending your time doing something you don’t like, getting out of your comfort zone and trying something new isn’t a bad idea. Besides, you get to do it while gazing longingly (and hopefully eventually talking to) your crush. Win-win.
The Google Search
No less fun than the Facebook search (and even more creep-tastic), the Google search takes cyber stalking to impressive new heights. We can’t pinpoint exactly why Googling has a worse rep than Facebook stalking – especially since if it’s on Google, it’s truly free for the world to see – but we do know that it’s a heck of a lot harder to explain when caught in the act.
Erica found this out the hard way when she set up a study date with her crush. “I was looking at pictures of him under Google Images – he’s an athlete – before the study date,” Erica remembers. “I closed my laptop, went to go meet him at the library, and then when I opened up the computer in front of him, his old photo was on my screen. Uncomfortable!”
Remember, folks: when cyber stalking, always, always, always, anticipate your potential audience. Always.
Whether you’ve followed him to class or actually joined his class, chances are you’ve exercised your own stalker muscles at school. While recent research suggests that playing hard to get is actually better for man catching than wearing your all-consuming crush on your sleeve, some light stalking (from a distance) can’t hurt. Just keep your binoculars at home, please!
Are you guilty as charged? Tell us your most stalker-ish story in the comments!
*Names have been changed.