One of the biggest upsides of being in a relationship is having someone you are comfortable around. But one of the silent killers of relationships is getting too comfortable. There comes a point where your significant other may get used to being in a relationship, so they no longer do all the things they did for you before the relationship began. Instead of growing together in the relationship, they begin taking your love and what you have to offer for granted. Here are five telltale signs youâre being taken for granted that you should talk to your partner about immediately.
1. Youâre not a priority
Your significant other should want to spend time with you fairly often. Of course, theyâll probably have other priorities, but it can become problematic when youâre not high up on their priority list. If itâs been days and theyâve hung out with every friend theyâve ever had since third grade and not you, that should be a warning sign. Alaina*, a sophomore at Azusa Pacific University, says that her boyfriend prioritizing his friends over her led to problems. âIf I asked if we could hang out, it was always brushed off to the side,â she says. âEvery weekend, he would party with his friends, so being busy wasnât an excuse. Even when I suggested things for us to do, he would rarely commit to anything. Hanging out was always centered around when it was convenient for him.â
Relationships donât run on convenience. Neither of you committed to being in a relationship just to talk or be around each other when youâre bored. Even with hectic schedules, your partner should be making it known through actions and words that you are important to them.
2. They put no effort into date night
Thereâs probably not a soul on Earth who canât find at least a little joy in Netflix. âNetflix and chillâ can be a legitimate date, but if thatâs all theyâre willing to do, they probably have gotten too comfortable. Stephanie*, a junior at Stetson University, felt as if her boyfriend began taking her time for granted when he no longer put any effort into how they spent their time together. âTowards the beginning of our relationship, we would always go exploringâdifferent museums, coffee shops, cafes, hiking trails, day trips and more,â she says. âSeveral months into the relationship, I found that all we did was lay in bed and watch TV and movies. Itâs not like I didnât enjoy his presence, but thereâs a better way our time couldâve been spent.â
There may be people who will argue that their money is tight, so thatâs the only thing to resort to. At this age, your significant other most likely isnât expecting a date at a five star restaurant (although we wouldnât complain if youâre toying with the idea). Honestly, it doesnât take much to make someoneâs day. A simple walk in the park, making dinner together or a stop by the Humane Society to play with some pups are inexpensive ways to connect with each other. A partner who isnât even bothering to try to venture out of the realm of âNetflix and chillâ is someone who is taking your time for granted.
Related: 4 Signs You Should Break Up After Graduation
3. Theyâre not appreciative
Doing things for someone can feel so rewarding when you know how much they appreciate what youâve done. However, when you put forth effort for someone and all youâre met with is disinterest, it can be really damaging.
May*, a freshman at Reinhardt University, tried surprising her boyfriend after many hours put in at work. âThings seemed pretty flat in our relationship for a while, so I surprised my boyfriend with NBA tickets and dinner reservations,â she says. âHis response didnât even measure up to how hard I worked to try to make him happy. It really opened my eyes.â
Relationships involve sacrifice, whether that be with time, money or in other departments. If your partner isnât taking into account all the hours you had to work to get them a little gift or the money you spent on them that couldâve been used on more groceries for the week, itâs time to step back and reevaluate. You shouldnât have to beg or prod them for a genuine âthank you.â They should recognize your efforts and sacrifices on their own. Itâs also time to think about if things are becoming one-sided. Donât drain yourself trying to making someone else happy. There should be equal effort from both sides.
4. They donât check up on you
Part of being in a relationship is having someone who cares about your mental wellbeing, what goes on in your life and your overall safety. However, for Maria*, a sophomore at University of South Carolina, her relationship of three years went sour when her boyfriend acted like he simply didnât care enough to see how she was.
“I remember watching him as he waited for me to get inside safely each night,” she says. “I thought he was so caring. Fast forward three years and itâs like he didnât even care what was going in my life. I was accomplishing all of these great things at school and he couldnât even ask âHow are you?â or âHow has your day been?â”
Your significant other should be someone who is interested in whatâs going on in your life, through your lows and highs. When they ask how you are, it gives you the opportunity to update them on your day and how life is treating you. If they all of the sudden have stopped asking, theyâre taking your wellbeing for granted. Shouldnât they at least want to know if you are safe and sound?
5. The romantic gestures disappear
Before you guys actually started dating, there was probably a lot of romantic effort put in from both sides to keep each otherâs interest. Your significant other may stop doing what they did when they were âchasingâ you because they finally have you. There comes a point when âI love youâ isnât spoken as frequently, compliments are nearly nonexistent and the romance simply disappears. Remember that this is not normal. No matter how long you guys have been together, keeping the spark alive in a relationship is what keeps it going.
Glenn*, a sophomore at Valdosta State University, admits to taking his girlfriend for granted. âYou just develop a mindset that youâve already got them and donât have to keep trying as hard as you once did,â he says.
Being romantic shouldnât be a burden on anyone. Understandably, not everyone is a diehard romantic, but they should not be so unromantic that you question if they still love and care about you.
If you realize that you might be taken for granted, speak up. Nobody is perfect, but let your significant other know how youâre feeling. Their reaction might tell you a lot about where you need to head in the relationship next. Ideally, they will listen to what you are saying and take action to fix their end of the relationship. Never let them belittle, invalidate or argue with you about your feelings. You are a gem so you should be treated like one every day.
*names have been changed