When you’re in a committed relationship, it is easy to worry that the initial spark that attracted you and your partner to each other might one day burn out. After all, the longer you are with someone, the more comfortable you become. However, there are some things you do without even realizing that can (and probably do) turn your partner on!
We’ve consulted April Masini, a relationship expert, to reveal the truth about keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship. Read on for five things you’re already doing that turn your partner on. Â
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1. Being true to yourself
In your early 20s, it can be easy to lose sight of who you are sometimes. But, your partner fell for you because of who you are—just simply being yourself is a major turn-on.
“In more mature relationships, there are usually some things that people look for in a partner—whether it’s lifestyle, career, intelligence, sense of humor and all sorts of other factors,” Masini says. “When they see someone who meets their list of desired qualities, they become attracted because the person is everything they wanted.” Who you are is more than enough, and owning that is incredibly attractive.
2. Having good manners
Manners matter, and being a genuinely good person will always be attractive. No matter how much your partner loves you, nothing will turn him or her off more than seeing you be disrespectful to others.
Masini reiterates this point. “People with good manners will find that their etiquette is a turn on,” she says. “Someone who can be at ease at a ballet, a restaurant where there is fine dining, on a camping trip or staying as a house guest is attractive because they have social intelligence.” Being polite—in all social situations—will never go out of style.
3. Staying informed
When you’ve been with your partner for a long time, an easy way to turn him or her on is to blow his or her mind with your knowledge. There is a whole world around you, and by staying up-to-date on what’s going on, you’ll make your relationship that much stronger and always have something to talk about.
Masini thinks this is a great way to bring something new to the table. “Don’t slack off on being interesting!” she says. “Read, keep up with the news, volunteer, socialize—you’ll be a much better partner if you’re well read and study, work and have interesting friendships to bring to the relationship.” Intelligence is a turn-on no matter how long you’ve been with someone.
4. Being generous
Genuine generosity is such a valuable trait—and something your significant other definitely doesn’t take for granted. “Generosity is underrated and when you find a partner who is generous, you should value that quality in them,” Masini says. Knowing your partner is kind makes them that much more attractive.
Additionally, generosity is healthy for a relationship because it is contagious. “People tend to react to generosity with more generosity!” Masini adds. Kindness helps you both (and your relationship) grow. This generosity extends farther than simply having manners. Going out of your way for someone else, being kind to others and living a happy life are all traits that your partner will find extremely beautiful.
Related: 7 Moves That Might Make Your SO Fall Even More in Love with You
5. Maintaining your health
It might seem easy to let yourself go in a long-term relationship, but Masini recommends against it. “Remember who you were, what you looked like and how you acted when you were first dating,” she says. “That’s what you want to [continue to] evoke in a long-term relationship.” She recommends going to the gym and dressing in a way your partner likes while staying true to yourself.
You should never change who you are for your partner, but continue to work toward being the best—and healthiest—version of yourself. Feeling good about yourself makes you radiate confidence, and that alone is incredibly attractive.
No matter how long you’ve been with your significant other, there are certain things about you that will always turn him or her on. Be generous, be confident, be informed, but most importantly be yourself—and never forget, your partner loves you for who you are!