Be honest. How many times have you made excuses for a guy after he acts a little too shady after a hook-up? We’ve all been there at some point, most likely because “maybe he didn’t get my text message” sounds a whole lot better than “he obviously didn’t respond because he’s not into me.” Guys are not complicated creatures, and more often than not, they act a certain way – usually an obvious way – to show you that they don’t want to pursue anything further with you. While making excuses may make us feel better in the short term, coming to terms now with the fact that the hook-up isn’t going anywhere definitely makes things better in the long term.
So what are these surefire signs that a guy is just not that into you? We talked to college guys around the country to get the scoop.
1. He doesn’t contact you within a few days after the hook-up.
If a guy is interested in seeing you again, he will find some way, any way to get in touch with you. Most guys who are hoping to have another run-in with you will send a text a couple days later, but in this day and age, any mode of contact, whether it’s a phone call, Facebook, BBM, e-mail, owl, will do. “I always text a girl I’m into after a hook up,” said one Syracuse University junior. “If I’m particularly drunk and somehow forget to get her number, I will find a way to get in touch with her.” So if you’re patiently waiting for a text that never comes, he’s not playing hard to get, he’s just not that into you.
2. You see him out and he avoids you.
College guys sometimes need a little bit of liquid courage to make a move on you, so when he sees you out in a social setting, it’s the golden opportunity to try to talk to you. “If I see a girl I’ve hooked up with before or would like to hook up with at the bar or at a party, I’m definitely going to try to talk to her,” says a University of New Hampshire senior. If he’s avoiding you like the plague and happens to be flirting with other girls when he sees you out, he’s just not that into you.
3. You shoot him a text…and get no response.
You know that giddy feeling you get when the guy you’re crushing on texts you? Guys will rarely admit it, but they get a similar sort of feeling when they hear from a girl that they’re interested in. “I mean, yeah, it’s exciting when a girl you like shows interest in you and is thinking of you enough to text you,” says a University of Massachusetts junior. While he may pull the “wait ten minutes before you respond so you don’t seem too eager,” no response shows that he’s seriously not into you.
4. He only talks to you when he’s drunk.
There’s obviously a lot of drinking that goes on in college, and yes, when you’re at your favorite watering hole four out of the seven nights a week, it’s going to be hard to get in some sober time. But if a guy is into you, he’ll make a conscious effort to speak to you while you’re both not slurring your words to try to get to know you better. But if you’re only conversing and hooking up after a marathon of drinks, take it as a sign that he’s not looking to have something serious with you. “I hate it when girls think that just because I’m hooking up with her late night that I’m actually into her,” says another Syracuse University junior. “When I’m only talking to a girl while I’m out or hooking up with her while I’m drunk, I’m not looking for a relationship, it’s usually just convenient..” So next time you feel special that you’re the lucky girl he approached at the bar and brought home to his bed, remember that if that’s all he’s doing, he’s probably just not that into you.
5. He has no interest in your life or doesn’t remember details about what you’ve told him.
Have you ever thought that a guy had a horrible memory and that’s why he didn’t remember that you have three siblings? Or maybe you assumed that the guy you’re interested in is slightly awkward or nervous around you and that’s why he never asks questions about your life and only talks about himself. Well here’s a newsflash: if he’s not remembering important details about you, it’s most likely because he doesn’t care to remember. “When I like a girl, I usually make a mental note of big things she talks about so I can bring it up in conversation later or make a point to show that I remembered,” says a University of New Hampshire senior. “If I’m just hooking up with a girl and have no desire for it to go any further, why would I waste time trying to remember details of her life when I can hook up with her without doing that?” So when you have to repeat seven times that you’re a psychology major, it’s probably best to assume that he’s just not that into you.
6. He flirts with other girls right in front of you.
So maybe you think he’s into you and is just keeping you on your toes, or even that he’s such an outgoing guy that he can’t help but talk to everyone while he’s out. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but here’s what guys don’t do if they’re into you: flirt with other girls, especially if you’re in his peripheral vision. “Sometimes I make it a point to talk to another girl if I want to give the hint that I’m not into a girl I’ve hooked up with,” says a sophomore at Bentley University. So next time he’s chatting it up with the cute blonde at the bar, don’t assume he’s just being coy. The truth is, he’s probably not that into you.
So, you’ve just realized that you read a little too far into a situation with your latest hook-up – turns out flirting with you over six shots of SoCo lime doesn’t equal promising relationship. But not all hope is lost – you just need some new guys in the mix! Check out this Her Campus article on five new places to meet guys, and once you’ve met your man, get him to ask you out in 20 seconds. Best of luck!