College is the time to learn some pretty big lessons, especially the ones that happen outside the lecture hall. Lessons in dating are no exception: you meet the types of people you mesh well with, the ones you should probably never talk to again and all the ones in between. Let’s take a bit of time to review some of the girls you’ll probably date, shall we?
1. The Bi-Curious Girl
This girl is like a hidden treasure chest on every college campus. No one has hooked up with her, and no one knows she’s queer—partly because she doesn’t even know if she’s queer!
You’ll find her in a crowded house party one night, her eyes scanning you up and down. You’ve heard about her, but she’s definitely had her eye on you for a while. She exudes the adventurous, “I’ll try anything” attitude, which you find super sexy. But she’s also extremely inexperienced, so it’s important to have a lot of patience with this one.
Best-case scenario: she’s into you and this is the start of something new and amazing. Worst-case scenario: she dumps you and goes back to her boyfriend.
2. The Hook-Up You Always Go Back To
Everyone has one of these in her life. Just as soon as you think you’re over her, she texts you again, and boom, you wake up in her bed the next morning. She’s never consistent, and while you might have hoped to have something serious with her once upon a time, you know by now that it’s not an option.
While she’s a good girl to have around for a friendly date or hook-up every once in a while, just make sure you don’t fall for her too hard. She likes to keep it light and casual, so trying to make it any more than that could be disastrous.
3. The Girl Everyone Warned You About
If Taylor Swift was queer, she’d already have a whole album written about this girl. While this girl is extremely attractive, charming and so into you, you still have plenty of reasons to tread lightly in this situation.
She slept with your friend, your ex and, rumor has it, even the cute grad student you had as a TA last semester. While dating so many people isn’t the problem (do you, boo!), almost everyone in the queer community has something bad to say about her. The subtle hints you might come across are her less-than-likeable friends, her inability to DTR (define the relationship) and the whole her-not-being-considerate-of-your-feelings thing. Did we mention she slept with your friend?
Do yourself a favor: get this girl out of your system super quickly.
4. The Athlete
Whether its softball, basketball, hockey or something else in between, this girl is a total pro at what she does. You’ve seen her training at the gym, but when you see her in the middle of a game, you’re totally attracted to her drive and determination. After congratulating her on her latest win, you decide to turn the charm on and ask her out.
You soon realize that she does not just save the competition for sports; she eats, sleeps and breathes this stuff. She’ll challenge you to whatever she can think of. Maybe she’s just trying to impress you, or maybe this is just the way she is with everyone—honestly, you can’t really tell. Either way, you’ll eventually get sick of this relay race that is trying to capture this girl’s heart and just call it quits.
5. The Stage-Five Clinger
You meet this cutie in class, and she seems super normal and cool to hang out with. You finally get her number, and before you know it, you’re texting every second of every day!
Except when you’re not. And that’s when it begins.
She’s blowing up your texts, calling your phone, tweeting you, Facebook Messaging you, the whole nine yards, desperately trying to see why you’re not responding to her. What was once a beautiful, innocent thing has now turned into an absolute nightmare. Make sure to check under your bed and in your closet before you go to sleep; she might be in there waiting for you.
6. The Tinderella
It all started with a swipe right; the rest was history. You know her just by seeing her around at all the Pride Club events being good-looking and a seemingly awesome person. You were always too scared to say hi to her in real life, so when she came up on your Tinder, you decided to go for it. Just as soon as you swiped, that one beautiful phrase appeared on your screen: “It’s a Match!”
You end up talking to her on Tinder, keeping the flirt game strong, and then you finally make plans to meet in person. So you decide to keep it casual and hang out at your local café. But before you can finish your caramel macchiato, the conversation has fizzled out. You realize that either a) you have absolutely nothing in common or b) you’re not all that into each other. Typically this is a no harm, no foul situation, but it’s also pretty awkward when you see each other in public again and have to explain to your friends how you know each other.
7. The Queer Queen
If there was a queer-girl achievement award, your campus’s LGBTQ+ Center has probably already given it to her. She’s the president of your queer women discussion group, she’s an active attendee of your GSA and she’s successfully figured out a plan to turn her queerness into a career.
The good thing is she’ll keep you motivated and on your toes at all times; her focus and drive empowers you to succeed. The bad thing might be that she doesn’t really have time for you due to her super-hectic schedule. She doesn’t plan on stopping until she lands a full-time job upon graduation—or until she has successfully taken over the world.
8. The Damaged Girl
We’re going to have to serve you a steaming plate of realness with this one. We love this girl because, like a puppy, she’s so sweet and defenseless that you just want to sweep her off her feet and cuddle her forever. She’s always talking about how she feels like she’s not good enough for you and how you deserve better. Your motherly instincts kick in when you realize how badly she needs someone to nurture her and have her realize her self-worth.
But then you realize exactly how much attention she needs. She’s been hurt before, and you feel like you need to drop everything to help her. You soon realize that she has a lot of things she needs to work on within herself before she can be with someone else. Let her go, and if it’s meant to be, maybe you’ll come back together when she has everything figured out.
9. The Girl You Swear is “The One”
This girl needs no explanation. After all of the mishaps, trials and tribulations, you finally find your dream girl. Just like everyone has always told you, she appears out of nowhere when you’re not even looking. You’ll get to know her and experience an instant attraction. She seems perfect in each and every way, whether it’s looks, personality and you know, the ability to actually function in a relationship.
This girl has caught your eye and is now stealing your heart. Make sure to cherish her and build your relationship with her, and who knows? Maybe she really is the one you’ve been waiting for.
No matter what kind of people you date in college, make sure to remember that each one is a learning experience. Even if it turns out badly, at least you’ll have a story to tell!
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