As the world decks itself in shades of red and heart-shaped frills, Valentine’s Day can be a bittersweet anniversary for those couples treading on rocky roads. While the day is traditionally associated with love and happiness, it often leaves struggling partners feeling a bit apprehensive. However, there are still ways you can still enjoy Valentine’s Day even if your relationship is struggling.
Valentine’s Day, at its core, is all about celebrating love and connection. It’s an opportunity to express and appreciate your deep bonds, going beyond traditional gifts and gestures, and putting thought and effort into expressing your emotions. What’s sometimes most important is genuine emotional fulfillment. So, this might be an opportunity to not only weather the difficulties, but also to reconnect to one another.
Whether you’re trying to rekindle the flame or foster a deeper understanding, I talked to relationship advisor Helena Roman to discuss ways to transform Valentine’s Day from a potential source of stress into a celebration of growth, appreciation, and the enduring strength of your bond.
Valentine’s Day isn’t the marker for a successful relationship.
Though Valentine’s Day is a wonderful excuse to play into the romance, amidst the flowers, chocolates, and romantic gestures, there are numerous misconceptions about this holiday. “One of the most common is that it’s a solely commercialized holiday fueled by consumerism with lavish gifts being the only way to show your affection toward your partner,” Roman says. “In actuality, it’s ultimately the thought, effort, and sincerity behind any loving gesture that truly conveys your feelings.”
Additionally, for a lot of people, celebrating Valentine’s Day seems like a signal of strength for a relationship. However, that’s not always the case. “It’s important to understand that your relationship isn’t defined by a single holiday,” Roman says. “Rather, what can truly define a romantic relationship is the genuine connection, mutual respect, and ongoing support shared between partners.”
After the stress of other holidays like Christmas and New Year’s, Valentine’s Day comes along to create another set of tensions. There can be immense pressure on couples to make this day special, while also amplifying existing relationship challenges. Communication, managing expectations, and finding meaningful ways to celebrate that resonate with both partners can, therefore, help alleviate some of those struggles.
Lead with open conversation.
Regardless of the struggles you and your partner might be facing, you can still find ways to use Valentine’s Day as a way to grow and improve together. “Believe it or not, Valentine’s Day can actually become a catalyst for positive change in a struggling relationship,” says Roman.
Take advantage of that catalyst by using the holiday as an opportunity to initiate an open, honest conversation. Roman advises that you “set aside a dedicated time to share your feelings, listen to each other without judgment, and work together to find solutions and common ground.”
She adds, “Carving out time for a much-needed conversation can provide a crucial opportunity to address those challenges, fostering deeper understanding, empathy, and collaboration to navigate the difficult times and strengthen the relationship bond.”
By openly discussing thoughts, feelings, and needs, both partners gain insights into each other’s perspectives and experiences. Open communication allows partners to understand each other better, resolve conflict, and plan for better alignment in the future.
Don’t be afraid to get mushy.
To rekindle old feelings of appreciation and connection, you might also consider exchanging heartfelt, personalized gestures. Roman suggests trying activities such as writing love letters, cooking a homemade meal, or creating a scrapbook for your partner. “Valentine’s Day isn’t just about gifts and cards,” Roman tells Her Campussays. “It’s a reminder, but also a celebration of love in the purest form. It’s about those feelings of connection, shared moments of laughter, and the unspoken understanding that unconditional love exists. It’s about cherishing the person you love as well as expressing those feelings of love toward them.”
These gestures can fuel a struggling relationship toward sunnier skies by demonstrating thoughtfulness, care, and effort.
Make way for some quality time.
Valentine’s Day can also be a great way to strengthen your bonds by sharing in new experiences, memories, and affection. “Spending quality time together, like enjoying a picnic in a serene setting, offers an intimate opportunity for partners to reconnect, relax, and create cherished memories,” Roman explains. “Spending some much-needed ‘alone time’ can set the tone by fostering a sense of closeness and rejuvenating the bond between them, especially during trying times in the relationship.”
You can take this a step further by organizing things that are tailored to your partner’s interests, such as a hiking adventure if they love nature. “This shows that despite your relationship struggles, you still deeply value and appreciate their individuality,” says Roman. “By creating an experience that your partner will enjoy, you’re not only showing your affection but also that you “get them” at the core of who they are as a person.”
Valentine’s Day is a holiday steeped in tradition, but it’s also surrounded by the idea that everything is hearts and bows. “By acknowledging the rough patch in the relationship together as a couple, you can become proactive in laying a foundation for a healthy path forward,” Roman says. By respecting our partners’ wishes and taking the time to rebuild cracked foundations, we can better appreciate each other year-round.