You just texted the guy you’ve been talking to to see what his plans are for tonight. He doesn’t text you back, so naturally you figure you should probably resend that text to make sure service is working. No response. You try sending a “?” – that should remind him to respond… right? He probably forgot. You follow up with a few more “???,” and finally a nice, “HELLO?!!!” Then as a last resort, you call him. Maybe he just hasn’t looked at his texts?
Sound like someone you know? Maybe a friend… possibly yourself?
Where is the line between crazy in love and just plain crazy? There are certain behaviors that girls exhibit, that may seem okay in the moment, but in actuality can send a guy running. Whether it’s texting him non-stop, checking his phone for random numbers, or showing up at his door when he doesn’t return your calls, gestures that you may think come from the heart are really sending crazy red flag signals to everyone around you (including the object of your affection).
So how do you know if your behavior is seen as crazy? Do any of the following behaviors sound familiar? There’s no boundary to crazy, but (un)fortunately, we can stereotype the types of girls who behave in a way that will send any guy running in the opposite direction.
The Stalker
Twitter, Foursquare, and Facebook may update you on the whereabouts of the cute guy you met last weekend, but that’s no excuse to hunt him down. You may think it’s sweet to show up at his intramural basketball game but in actuality, it can come off too strong. Tony, from the University of Illinois, thinks it’s completely nuts when girls, “just show up, or if you tell a girl where you are, like a certain bar, or the library, and she randomly shows up by herself without warning, it’s creepy.” Instead: Let him come to you. Boys are very decisive and don’t tip-toe around making plans like girls do. If he wants to hang out, he’ll probably ask you to hang out (unless he’s a huge baby, and in that case… lost cause!).
The Interrogator
Joseph, from the University of Chicago, thinks that girls asking a million questions about unimportant details like, “where are you?” and “who are you with?” is completely annoying and can come off as crazy when they do it all the time. But you’re just trying to make conversation, right? When did asking questions become such a crime?! In actuality though, a little mystery never hurt anyone, and guys get touchy when you’re up in their grill about their every move. If the questions you are asking are relevant to you/your plans later, then go for it. But trying to snoop around and find out if his ex-GF is at the same bar as he is shouldn’t be your concern. Not only does it come across as crazy, it will drive you nuts if she is (and realistically, there’s nothing you can do about it).
The Jealous Girl
It can be tempting to claim your territory the second you hook up with a cute guy, but remember until you’re officially dating, (technically) you don’t have the chops to call him out for little things like talking to other girls. Jack, a junior at the University of Wisconsin, says too much jealousy is an immediate red flag. “If I’m saying hi to a friend at the bar and the girl I’m talking to gives me a hard time, I know she’s not a chill girl.” Instead: ignore it. You both have friends of the opposite sex (well, hopefully) and it would be more than annoying if he kept you away from your guy friends. Realize that his friends who are girls come with the territory. Try making friends with his girlfriends, because they’re going to be everywhere he is. If it’s the same girl every time, however, or if they have a lot of history, you might think about movin’ on or having a talk with your guy about it (at an appropriate time).
The Nosy Girl
You know what they say, “if you can’t trust…you can’t be trusted.” While that quote can be debated, it does add a whole lot of stress to both of your lives if you’re constantly questioning your beloved. Jenna Hoops, HC campus correspondent for the University of Maine, talks privacy: “I think that something that goes too far is when a girl thinks it’s her right to check a guy’s Facebook/phone/email. If you feel the need to check these things then you clearly don’t trust your guy which means you probably should not be with him. Privacy is important and everyone needs to respect that.” If you’re having issues trusting your guy, sit down and figure out what is actually bothering you. Are you tempted to be with other people and think he might be too? It may be time to re-evaluate the situation if you can’t enjoy your time together without worrying that he may be thinking about someone else.
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The Overzealous Girl!!!!!!!!
Laura Baugh, HC campus correspondent for Virginia Tech, weighs in on self control: “Sometimes, you just have to learn the importance of NOT bombarding him with an additional 10 text messages when he doesn’t respond to your original one. This is probably among the top things that will make a guy not want to ever pursue a relationship with you!” Guys are a lot less, shall we say, enthusiastic, than girls. Be sparing with your energy and exclamation marks because they can often come off as overbearing especially in the beginning of a relationship. If he doesn’t respond to your text or Facebook chat, chances are he probably saw it, he just doesn’t feel the urge to reply. Like that hilarious (and somewhat depressing) movie, maybe he’s just not that into you. It’s harsh, but sometimes we all need a reality check when our head is in the clouds. Let him make the first move so you’re not questioning if he’s just responding to you to be polite. If you keep the ball in his court, you’ll know that he’s really into you when he’s constantly trying to talk or make plans.
“The One”
Some girls are self-proclaimed “relationship types” which means they constantly have a boyfriend. You may be used to always having a guy to fill that plus one, but moving too fast from one relationship to the next without letting things naturally follow their course comes off as aggressive. Maybe it’s not your fault you are freshly out of a serious relationship but you can’t treat new flings like they are your old boyfriend. Most guys will get the wrong impression if you’re inviting them to sleepover on school nights and go to the library with you every afternoon like your ex did. Give your relationship time to grow before jumping into playing house. Julia Barrow, a junior at Miami University of Ohio, finds it crazy when girls act like they’re married to a guy after just getting into a relationship. “When a girl needs to spend every waking second with a guy she just begins to date, goes to his hometown on the weekends and talks about him nonstop, it gives off the wrong impression to everyone. It’s not as cute as they think.” Couples that move too fast can rub people the wrong way, and a girl that’s ready to slip on that engagement ring the second she meets a guy can send out the wrong vibe. So tone it down in the beginning of the relationship and let love run its due course without your grandiose proclamations of love getting in the way.
Let’s face it, we’ve all done regrettable things in the love department. If you want to avoid being stereotyped as Crazy, think twice about what you do before you do it. Once you’re labeled as a nutcase it will be difficult to prove otherwise. No one wants to be “that girl” and it’s better to be crazy in love, than just plain crazy.