Confession: My favorite day of the week has to be Thursdays, because that’s when new episodes of The Sex Lives of College Girls come out, of course! If you’ve been keeping up with the show, you know that the show quite literally follows the stories of the sex lives of four college besties. I’ve been loving all the storylines for the girls during Season 2, but Leighton has really hooked the audience as she’s been exploring her sexuality more openly. She recently just caught a case of twincest (it’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise!), and this week, she got herself into a sticky situation by dating someone she thinks is totally cooler than her. Leighton takes it upon herself to play hard to get with her new boo, Tatum, in hopes that it will make her want her even more. But… does playing hard to get with your situationship in college actually work?
Ah, the situationship: We all know them, and I’m pretty sure we’ve all had them at some point throughout our college experience. A situationship usually somewhat sexual, full of mind games, uncertainty, and little-to-no commitment. Absence is *allegedly* supposed to make the heart grow fonder. This is exactly why many people tend to try to give their situationship the cold shoulder, in hopes that they’ll come crawling back, pronouncing their undying love for their partner. These tactics actually worked out for Leighton, but does this actually work in the real world?
Playing hard to get may spice things up in the beginning, but that’s not to last.
I am a strong believer in the notion that playing any sort of games is not the way to start out a relationship, or a healthy one, anyway. Vivian Green, a sexologist and editor at Sexsi Toys,, agrees with my theory, too. “The concept of giving your partner the cold shoulder might make them more attracted to you in the short term, but it is not a healthy or effective way to build a lasting and fulfilling relationship,” she tells Her Campus.
Of course, when you’re first getting to know someone, it’s exhilarating and exciting. Testing the waters with each other can be really fun, but it can also damage the relationship in the long run. Dating and relationship expert Harman Awal explains, “If they don’t take to the games or, worse yet, feel rejected by [them], then you might be better off just being straight-up with them. [You] can play the cards close to your chest, but not so close that you’re putting up a wall between the two of you. That way, there’s still mystery involved, but also safety and integrity from both sides.”
A lack of communication can (and will) damage your relationship.
Communication is an integral part of building a relationship, and if you start out on the wrong foot, this will consequently disrupt the trajectory of your connection to come. “By giving your partner the cold shoulder, you are likely to create confusion, mistrust, and resentment, which can damage the relationship and make it difficult to rebuild trust and connection,” says Green.
Playing games sets the stage for a discombobulated relationship.
Trust me, I’ve been there and done that when it comes to playing hard to get with potential partners. In the end, it really just left me upset, confused, and wishing that I had communicated better. Relationship and communication expert Chloe Ballatore expands on this concept, stating, “Playing games at the start of any relationship hinders communication, and also sets the blueprint for gamesmanship in the future. When you are in a game, you cannot have authentic communication.” So, essentially, when you start off the connection by playing games, they’re likely to never stop.
Honesty and communication are needed to create a healthy connection.
Leading with honesty is always the best way to start any relationship, whether that be sexual or just in a friendly manner. “Instead of giving them the cold shoulder, it is more effective to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and needs,” says Green. “By being honest and open with your partner, you can build a stronger and more fulfilling connection, and can create a solid foundation for a lasting and satisfying relationship.”
So, while playing hard to get with Tatum might have worked out for Leighton, it’s pretty obvious that that’s not the case for us in the real world. Be honest and communicate with your partner (or situationship). I promise, it’s for your own wellbeing!