How to Handle Long Distance Heartbreak, Especially in the Midst of the Pandemic

Breakups suck, and there’s no easy way around them. Now, breaking up 1,000+ miles apart? That’s truly a struggle. Unfortunately, there’s no magic wand to be waved or magic pill to be taken that’ll make everything feel better. If you’re fresh off a quarantine break up, I feel your pain. 

Going through one of the most challenging moments in history while simultaneously trying to sweep up the broken pieces of your love life may sound nearly impossible. Before you start feeling that all hope is lost, take a breath, grab your favorite comfort snack, and take these four coping tips as a little reminder that you’re not alone in breaking up in the Q.

1. Let it all out

Regardless of your zodiac sign or how you display emotion, you probably need a post-breakup cry. It’s not to say that you’ll burst into tears right away, but just keep in mind that it’s bound to happen, and it may take you by surprise after you call it quits. Obviously, there are a lot of feelings tied up in a long distance relationship.

In the immediate aftermath of the breakup, you may find yourself thinking about all the would-have-beens. Inevitably, every long distance relationship would have included plans for the future. As the pandemic started or progressed, many of those plans may have been put on pause, but now that you’ve broken up, they’ve collapsed completely. This can be a painful pill to swallow, especially if you were gearing up to visit your now ex-beau post-pandemic. And honestly, there’s no way around this pain. Try as you might to evade the pain and dodge it with a busy schedule or back-to-back Netflix binges, eventually you’ll have to confront your breakup emotions head-on. 

So, don’t be afraid of a good cry! Crying is a natural release of emotion and an essential part of surviving a breakup. You aren’t weak for having these feelings and you shouldn’t be ashamed in the slightest. Try your hardest not to compare your feelings to how you suspect your former SO may or may not be feeling. Instead, curl up in bed for the day, grab a blanket and some tissues and allow yourself to grieve your loss. Remember, there’s no “right” amount of time to feel sad after a breakup. Your post-breakup experience isn’t going to look the same as your best friend’s or your sister’s and that’s totally okay! Give yourself the gift of time to recover and process your emotions, however long it may take.

 

2. Switch up your routine

The loss of a long distance relationship also means the loss of an element of consistency in your life. One minute your SO is a constant and a grounding force in your life and then in the next, they’re gone. Given this sudden loss, it can be helpful to seek out something new that can offer a similar sense of consistency. Maybe you’ve been debating starting a YouTube channel or taking up yoga. Use your breakup to kickstart a new hobby or project, whatever it may be. 

After you’ve gone through the heavy-cry phase of your breakup, by no means does that mean that you are or should be “over it.” If you’re looking to stay distracted (and stay indoors), there’s no better time to pick up a new favorite activity. By introducing an unfamiliar element into your life, you’re allowing yourself to focus on something other than the throbbing in your chest, which is a good thing. If you still find yourself searching for more ways to take your mind off your former sweetheart, check out these post breakup books and movies.  

If you don’t want to take up a whole new hobby, consider changing up or strictly establishing a structured daily routine. The combination of COVID-19 and a breakup may make sticking to a routine even more challenging than usual, so don’t try to force a brand new schedule on yourself all at once. Instead, focus on one element of your day that you want to be more consistent with. For example, if you’ve been into running lately, but tend to do it sporadically, challenge yourself to create a weekly routine where you run three times a week at the same time each week. Now, developing this new consistent pattern will by no means create the illusion that you’ve “replaced” your SO, but it’s a step in the right direction toward re-filling the spaces in your life that they left behind.

 

3. Put yourself first 

It’s all about you, babe. Not to say that you weren’t still your number one priority while you were in a relationship, but now more than ever you really can invest in yourself. In a long distance relationship, chunks of your time and energy are dedicated to your SO. You both tried to make things work by fitting each other into your planners and making room for FaceTime calls each night. Now that you’re no longer an item, all that effort can be redirected onto yourself. Treat yourself to a full day of activities that you love! The amazing thing about self-love is that it can be practiced in the smallest of ways. Buy some cheap facial masks on Amazon, paint your nails and toes with your favorite polish, or take a hot bubble bath. The more you take time for yourself, the more you’ll find yourself reveling in the fact that you don’t have to debate with your old flame over what movie you should watch or who should fly out where for the holidays. 

It’s not uncommon for a romantic relationship to take up a lot of emotional and physical space. In fact, when you’re in a long term relationship, it can be easy to drop the ball on the other relationships in your life. Now that you’ve broken up, try re-purposing the time you would have been spending virtually with your SO toward giving your parents a bi-weekly call or getting back in touch with an old friend from high school. Re-establishing meaningful connections to fill up the weeks can be a great way to divert your attention from dwelling on post breakup heartache.  

 

4. Ditch breakup “rules” 

Through a simple Google search, you can find boatloads of advice on how to get over a breakup. Many of the repeated sentiments across the web include having a girls night out, cutting off all contact with your ex, and even searching for a new partner. Thanks to COVID-19, you can go ahead and scratch all of those items off your to-do list. Even without COVID-19, there no real “rules” or secret codes for getting through a breakup unscathed. You’re going to hurt a little (or a lot) and, especially since COVID-19 has likely limited your circle of people, feelings of isolation have the potential to be intensified. With this in mind, the most essential thing to remember is that you shouldn’t force yourself to act a certain way. Don’t feel pressure to start looking for someone new just to get over your ex and remember that you can still have a fun night with your girlfriends without sacrificing social distancing (hello Zoom wine night!).  

When it comes to the age-old dating law that you should NOT under any precedence contact your ex, given the unique circumstances of COVID-19,  I would offer a controversial counterargument. Whether in a relationship or not, 2020 has been a year of isolation for many. There’s a high chance that if you went through a breakup this year, it happened through a screen or over the phone. And that’s tough. Quitting a relationship cold turkey may be the best option for some, but you may still feel like you need more closure than a FaceTime call from your SO.

This might sound a little bit backwards, but the reality is breakups don’t always mean no more feelings. Just because you and your SO have decided not to continue your romantic relationship doesn’t mean things have to be over so hard and fast. Now, obviously it’s important to consider the possibility of digging yourself into an emotional rabbit hole if you reopen contact with your ex, but if you feel like you won’t be able to have closure unless it’s in person, consider finding a time for a final conversation in person.

As much as I’d like to say that the advice for mending a broken heart can be found in an online magazine (and maybe even this article), the truth is it can’t. There’s no universal superglue for a heartbreak and as ambiguous and frustrating as this is to hear, the only real answer to feeling better after a breakup is trial and error. Do what you think will make yourself the happiest, take it one day at a time, and be kind to yourself. Even though there is no timeline, I can promise one thing: you won’t feel broken forever.

• break ups
• COVID-19
• heartbreak
• ldr