The past few years for me have all been about making choices; choices over school, family, and friends. Some of the choices I’ve made have utterly been the hardest decisions in my life so far. Moving on to different places has been hard. I’ve had to let go of people I care about so dearly because I knew their time in my life was over. While they were hard to make, every one of my choices has defined and changed me into the young woman I am today.
With going to college and coming into yourself as an adult, you find that you are on your own. At this point, everything, even the smallest thing, comes down to making a choice. Anything you decide should be a decision that you believe will benefit you, making you a better person in the end. So I’m making my choice. I will not date while in I’m school and will remain a virgin until I find someone I see myself marrying in the future. Contrary to what people believe today, it is not impossible to go through college like this.
As far as how I made my choice, it was based on how I was raised. My mom would tell me and my brother the same thing every time we went out of her sight: “Remember who you are and whose you are.” That basically meant remember what we were taught and who we were the products of: her and our father. It also meant that everything I was taught and believed in my parents’ house shouldn’t change since I left and it hasn’t. Going to college, it wasn’t that hard to keep believing in what I was taught, even though there was plenty of temptation around on campus.
My family always told me to focus on school. I have an older relative who is a preacher who would tell me that books and boys don’t mix, and I’m making sure that they won’t. While I’m in school, I want to entitle my time to earning my degree. The idea of dating to me is seen as just a plus, not my main priority. I’m more concerned with finishing up my education than finding my college sweetheart or soul mate. I’m young; I have plenty of time after college to date and possibly fall in love.
Not dating in college has been met with its bit of difficulty. Of course I’m going to notice the amazingly attractive guys on campus; how could I not? When guys would talk to me and try to flirt, part of me would just want to send the guy off, not give him a second thought. On the other hand, I would often think about just forgetting everything and give in to the flirtation. I’d developed a crush on a guy and thought that if he gave me a chance, I could give it up just to date him. I knew, though, that if I kept my promise, it would be better for me in the long run.
If a guy tells me he likes me and asks me out, I tell him the truth. Some guys may blow me off and not talk to me anymore. Something like this happened to me. I went to a club with some friends and I met this guy and started dancing. I went home with my friends that night without him but got his number and texted him as I made my way back to my dorm. Within five minutes of conversation, he told me that he wanted me to go home with him that night. I told him that I couldn’t and thought that that would be the end of it. After a couple of weeks, though, he kept bugging me, wanting to know when I was going to see him again and possibly spend the night. Finally I told him the truth about me and he hasn’t talked to me again since. Other guys understood where I was coming from. My freshman year of college, I met two guys that became close friends of mine. On two separate occasions, I learned that they both liked me. As I did with the other guy, I told them the truth, and they understood. We were actually able to remain friends.
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So far, a few of my friends know that I don’t date in college and they don’t think I’m weird. It’s not even a big deal, actually. No one in my circle is awkwardly trying to bring it up in a casual conversation. When my friends talk about dating, it’s not difficult for me to partake in the discussion. A few of my friends have come to me for advice involving their love lives. I used to wonder why me, especially considering the decisions I’ve made. It bothered me most when I was in high school. I’ll be honest, back then, I felt jealous that my friends were in relationships and I was single. I used to wonder what was wrong with me that I couldn’t find someone. After seeing what my friends went through, all the problems they told me they had when they dated someone, I thought maybe it was best that I didn’t date in high school. Since it seems too similar to what I saw in high school, I knew dating in college wasn’t for me.
Family members, on the other hand, haven’t been as understanding. They have repeatedly asked me why I haven’t started dating yet. They keep telling me that I need to start now since I’m coming into my twenties. When I was in high school, holidays were horrible for me. It was the time to catch up with family and one of the running questions at dinner directed towards me would be, “Is there a young man in your life now?” After answering no for the last few years, they finally stopped asking. My mom has even gone as far as trying to set me up with guys she knows through friends and colleagues. She once met a young college student at a conference and told him all about me. I don’t know how many times she asked me to email the guy and talk to him. For the past couple of years, she’s been telling me that I need to go out and meet someone. I lost count really on how many times she told me this. She’d even ask my brother to introduce me to young men that he knew. My brother and I both knew that any guy he was friends with I couldn’t date. I’ve tried to make my family members understand that school is more important to me now than dating. They don’t see that me waiting is a better choice for me in the long run.
As for the subject of sex, of course it doesn’t happen. I think other than my beliefs, I made this choice over what my mom told me. Since I started college, my mom was brave enough to share some stories with me about what she went through when she was my age. From everything she told me, I knew that having sex while in college wasn’t best for me. What she told me was shocking, but out of respect for her, I won’t divulge it. All I will say is that what I learned has changed everything I thought about dating and sex.
How I want to treat sex in a relationship has to be another reason over my choice. I really want to treat this as it is; a special time for me. I want to share that celebrated moment with an amazing guy who has changed everything I thought in the past. I couldn’t trust some guys because I felt the only reason they talked to me was because they wanted that “one thing”. I thought they really didn’t have any interest in getting to know me, just get what they wanted and keep going. I know not every guy is like that and whoever I date, I want him to prove that to me. When I see that, then I know that he’s the person I’ve been looking and waiting for.
If someone were to ask me if I would change any of it, I’d have to say that I wouldn’t. Even though I’ve taken dating out of the equation for the time being, it doesn’t mean that my life has been boring. Not dating has given me many opportunities I don’t think I could’ve had if I were involved in a relationship. I just want to get through school and spend this time having fun, learning, growing, and living. I want to make friends and get involved. If you feel like you want to do this but are not sure how, it’s not hard. You just have to be true to yourself; be honest. It’s a lot easier to make and keep a promise to yourself than to another person. If you do falter, don’t be discouraged. You can always come back. There’s no reason to beat yourself up about it. Just come back stronger and more focused.