College is supposed to be a time of fun and exploring independence. But no matter how many new friends you make or how many keggers you attend, sometimes the only place you want to be is home. So when you’re longing for home, how do you cope? While homesickness varies for different people, it’s still a common feeling that many collegiettes experience so we looked into ways that real girls have overcome it.
What is homesickness?
“I’d like to emphasize that [homesickness] is just a really natural feeling of missing what’s familiar to us,” says Dr. Aneesa Shariff, staff psychologist at the University of British Columbia. This includes missing our support system from home, like our family and friends, as well as missing the places and environments we are used to being in.
It takes time to adjust to leaving behind your family and friends for new faces and a new environment. In some ways, moving to college can be a bit of a culture shock. If you’re a freshman, it’s not unusual to feel overwhelmed with all of the changes. “The most common scenario we tend to see is with [freshmen] who are transitioning in many different ways,” says Dr. Shariff. Homesickness at college usually happens in the first term and can last up to the whole year.
Although homesickness is more common for freshmen, it can happen to any student at any point, especially if they are experiencing stressful moments, whether academic or social, that cause them to long for the familiar. Failing a class or getting into a fight with a friend, for example, are stressful moments that could trigger homesickness. “In these types of situations, it may be a natural response to want to go home and be around their social support system, which they may experience as comforting and reassuring,” says Dr. Shariff.
Chelsea, HC Campus Correspondent and junior at University of Montana, experienced homesickness throughout her freshman year. “I grew up on [an] Indian reservation, so community and my family are my life. I found that it took almost my whole freshman year to feel content with my choice to go to college out of state,” says Chelsea, who is originally from Washington, a six-hour drive away from her school. “Some days were easier than others and I almost forgot about being so homesick, but it was also really hard. I found that when a family get-together or a community event happened and everyone was talking about it on Facebook or posting pictures and videos, I felt a bit left out.”
What helped Chelsea continue to focus on school, despite missing home, was remembering the reason why she went to college in the first place. “It took a while for me to accept that life back home goes on, just like my life at college goes on. It takes a lot of support from others and maturity to realize that what you’re doing, going to college, is to better yourself. You are taking the time to focus on your wants and needs to grow as an individual.”
Ways to combat homesickness
Get acquainted with your new surroundings
If you’re in a new city, go out and explore with a friend to become more familiar with it. “Just try to make the unfamiliar more familiar,” says Dr. Shariff. Do the same for your university campus. Try to create fun memories that you can associate with your new environment.
Get out of your room and put in the effort to be more social. Even something as simple as studying in different places on campus for a change of scenery can help you keep your mind off of missing home.
Meagan, a senior, experienced homesickness in her first year at Mount Royal University in Calgary, which is a 12-hour drive away from her home in Vancouver. “It was difficult in the beginning and there were times where I wanted to go back home.” But instead of packing her things and booking the next flight home, she decided to give it time and developed a routine to keep her busy and focused. “I still missed home but not to the point where I felt that I need to give up and go back.”
Join a club
Get involved in extracurricular clubs (check out our list of the top 15 craziest college clubs!) Find out what clubs your school has to offer; there’s bound to be something that you’ll like. Being a part of a club is a great way to meet new people who share common interests, and going to the club meetings will give you something productive to do.
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Keep in contact with family and friends but make time for yourself and your new life
Staying in regular contact with your family and friends back home will help you miss them less, but make sure that you’re balancing out your relationships and responsibilities. “You wouldn’t want to be spending hours with family and friends back home and ignoring or neglecting important connections that could be made in the new environments too,” says Dr. Shariff. If you think you might be in danger of doing this, try to set a time limit, such as a half hour every day, for speaking with family and friends back home. Fill them in on things that you’re involved in and your new life on campus.
“I talk to my friends and family regularly, over the phone or Skype, but I’ve also made a home for myself here, too,” says Meagan. “If you are by yourself all the time, you’re definitely going to feel homesick and you’re not going to be happy. You have to put yourself out there, make new friends and make the most out of your university experience.”
Bond with other students
You’re not the only one in a new environment, so don’t be afraid to speak to other students who are likely missing home just as much as you! Grace, a freshman at Trinity Western University, moved from Ontario to British Columbia for college (about 4-5 hour flight). To deal with homesickness, she gets together with new friends who she’s bonded with because of their shared feelings and experiences. “Even though I’m homesick, it makes this place worthwhile because other people are homesick too, so by coming together, we become family.”
Plan a trip back home
If you’re really missing home, plan a trip back for the next holiday. This gives you a date to look forward to and prevents any impulsive urges to drive or fly home on a bad weekend. Sometimes you have to ride out the initial difficult weekends that might just be a natural part of the transition, says Dr. Shariff. A weekend at home may be just what you need to feel better once you’re back at school.
When homesickness gets serious
If you’re experiencing high levels of anxiety or depression, you might be dealing with more than your average case of homesickness. Although this type of homesickness only happens to a minority of people, there are some questions you should ask yourself to figure out whether or not your homesickness is serious. Ask yourself if your feelings are interfering with your everyday life. Do you find it hard to get out of bed? Are you missing class? Are you withdrawing from friends and avoiding social activities that you’d normally participate in?
Katherine, HC Contributing Writer and sophomore at Northwestern University, was hit with a strong wave of homesickness by the end of her first semester of freshman year. This coincided with the stress of classes and panic attacks after a friend had passed away. As a result, she lost a lot of weight and had trouble concentrating in class. She met with a counselor at her school health center and talked to her mom and best friend about her struggles until she could return home for spring break. “When I got back from spring break, I started meeting weekly with a therapist. Since then I’ve had my panic under control. I think homesickness was just another trigger in that situation but it definitely contributed.”
If your homesickness is interfering with your ability to study or have a normal social life, it’s a good idea to set up an appointment with a counselor on campus. A professional can assess your specific situation and help you with the steps you might need to take. Most colleges offer free counselling or support services, so check out your campus health center or advising center to see what’s offered.
Remember that homesickness is normal. There’s always a very good chance that many people around you are experiencing the same feelings. Try talking to them to see how they handle being away from home. Who knows, maybe they’ll find comfort in the fact that you’re going through the same thing!
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