The concept of age gap relationships is (and has been for, like, ever) a divided subject. On the one hand, you have the group of people who advocate for “age just being a number!” and the other group whose stomachs flip when thinking about dating somebody seven years older than them.
There’s also a group of people that lie in between: These are the people who don’t put too much thought into the idea but do occasionally find themselves smitten by a silver fox (I’m in this majority). While the taboo topic has been debated for years, it’s starting to creep up in other places we didn’t expect, like social media.
Despite the idea of age gap relationships being controversial for quite some time, it’s only really starting to become more of a conversation among Gen Zers because of TikTok. There are a handful of different TikTok creators in age gap relationships – some who actually incorporate that conversation into their content, and others who just post a video of them twirling around their older (or younger) SO while leaving a plethora of unanswered questions in their comments. (If you’re interested, creators like @anthonyandgabs and @themichaeljustin are two great examples of creators who are open about their age gap relationship.)
Most of the discussions around these relationships are of a positive nature, which I noticed when I did some digging on the topic myself. Relationships that, say, involve a 25-year-old and a 40-year-old; the consensus on TikTok (specifically) is that as long as both parties met as mature adults, there’s no problem (but, again, this was based on social media comments.) However, I talked to a few fellow Gen-Zers about their experience with age gap relationships, and what they think their peers should know — so if I were you, I’d lock in for this one.
Tiffany*, 21
“I’m entering my senior year of college. He’ll be 25 in the fall. One thing I’ve learned is that being in an age gap relationship takes a lot of work to grow together. We’re going through two different paths of life, and since he’s older, he has his own past that I’m still working on fully accepting; a long process that takes time. Because he has a few years on me, I can ask him for advice and pieces of wisdom, which is nice.
I also find myself wanting to create my own life experiences, instead of just recreating his. Sometimes I feel like since I’m still so young I should be doing wild things and talking to different people, and it makes me feel like I’m missing out. At the same time, I’m also glad I can avoid certain interactions [in the dating world].”
Emily*, 20
“My experience with an age gap relationship isn’t great. He was 35, and with me being in the middle of my college years, we noticed a big difference in our interests. He would get upset with me when I wanted to go out to parties and bars, and the only time he thought of me as ‘mature’ was when I wasn’t talking about college things. He even told me I was mature for my age, especially for dating someone so much older (readers: this is the biggest red flag when talking to older men). He’d get mad that I was acting my age, a college kid, and not ‘the adult I was’. He threw fits all the time. It was crazy.”
Rachel*, 21
“My ex-boyfriend and I were 10 years apart. Some of the biggest challenges I noticed throughout the relationship had to do with the difference in our ages. My parents didn’t approve of it because they thought he was way too old for me. Not to mention, it took me a while to trust him because of how much older than me he was. It created a disconnect — especially since we were at two very different points in our lives.”
Christina*, 23
“My current partner is 13 years older than me. We met while in college — me for the first time, him on his second attempt. I think it really just comes down to if it’s weird, it’s weird. But for us, it never has been. We’re just two people who happen to really like spending time with each other.
I think there are things to look out for, though. Does your age gap also come with a power dynamic? Does your partner hold you back from doing things you like? Do they weaponize the age difference in fights by acting like being older means they just know better? Honestly, all things that would be red flags in any relationship, regardless of age.
However, if you really are just two people in a healthy, respectful relationship that happens to have an age gap, who cares? My partner is my best friend. He’s who I go to when I get anxious, the first one I want to tell about that crazy thing that happened to me today, the person I want to hang out with for the rest of my life. So yeah, he’s been around the block longer than I have, but his experiences are what make him, him.”
Mia*, 22
“I was dating a man twice my age (we aren’t together anymore). When I met him, I knew that he had been an addict, but I still pursued a relationship with him. He wanted to build a life with me, and I believed him. There were a few times I caught him lying about where he was: He would tell me he was going to his mom’s and then be in the middle of Detroit, doing who knows what. One time, he spent the night, and I woke up to him literally in the act with someone else, in my bed. I was so upset. It definitely taught me one thing for sure: the older the man doesn’t always mean the better the man.”
Every relationship is different. Even though differences can oftentimes be looked past, it’s important to acknowledge that they will always exist when there is a gap in age. These relationships can flourish, it just takes time, effort, and patience on both ends.
*Names changed for privacy.