Your bedroom (or bathroom) sessions might be the living, sweating and breathy reenactment of that hotel scene in Shame, but that doesn’t mean you should stop yourself from having your best sex life. You work 40+ hours a week, have routine existential crises on Wednesday, and still manage to get ghosted by f*ckboys in your spare time—you deserve to have your best sex (even if that sex is just with yourself). After all, better is better.
You could talk to sex experts, sex therapists and porn stars to figure out how to step up our sex-game, but why not turn to astrology? Sure, sex experts are obviously experts in the realm of sex, foreplay and chemistry, but we’re not only about innovating coitus; we’re also about innovating sex-related advice.
Even though you might be an adamant commitmentphobe with a dollop of trust issues, you probably trust your zodiac sign with your life, your death and your beauty regime (and same). So, why not trust your zodiac sign with your junk, too?
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
You have a to-do list for your to-do lists, and they’re all color coordinated. As the self-awarded productive zodiac sign, you need order even in these consistently chaotic times. It might seem silly to send bae a pre-bang itinerary, but you function better when you’re organized, and you shouldn’t treat your sex life any differently.
So, talk to your SO about being the manager of the bedroom for an hour or the whole time. Seriously, map out your sexy shenanigans with bae. Talk about what you want to do or have done to you and just plan it out.
If your fuckbuddy is going to shame your for maintaining a sex schedule, then they’re probably a chaotic Gemini and they shouldn’t get the privilege to see your private parts any way. (You can @ us all you want Geminis, but you know it’s true.)
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
As a confident coitus queen of the astrological realm, you’re most confident when you take the reins in life. Whether you’re leading a meeting or hosting your fictional talk-show in the shower, your zodiac aura glows when you’re in control.
Whatever makes you most sexily confident (regardless of what that means for you, personally), do it. If you feel self-assured in a lace teddy or you feel most confident straddling your partner, then do that. Talk it out beforehand and make sure you’re simultaneously encouraging your SO’s sex-driven ventures while you’re literally thrusting your confidence at the hips.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
You’re a coital conundrum. Your zodiac sign has managed to mashup selflessness and emotionalness in practically every aspect of your waking and sleeping life. You might already be compromising by focusing on bae’s sexual satisfaction before you get yours, but selflessness can be an emotionally exhausting event for an altruistic humper like yourself.
You also need to feel like the focus during fornication, so you can optimize that emotional connection and truly let your Pisces-ness flourish. Try simultaneously satisfying bae and yourself and bond over you mutual fave positions or fantasies. Better yet, extend your foreplay time (because everyone loves foreplay) so you can get that vicarious sexual satisfaction while you get bae hot and bothered.
Granted, foreplay is kind of a gray area, seeing as foreplay is just sex for a lot of us. Whether or not you consider mutual masturbation or watching feminist porn or a steamy movie as foreplay, just play in a way that engages and intrigues you and your partner(s).
Related: Is Virginity Even A F-cking Thing & When Have women Who Sleep With Women ‘Lost It’?
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
The rams of astrology have a rep for being, well, rammish. But being an assertive brute can get tiring, which is why shagging is your leisure time. So, lay down (literally) and let your SO do the work.
Whether your fling takes subtle or overt control between the sheets, taking the time not to be a tenacious Aries can give your astrological-self some time to recoup and just enjoy the softer sides of being an Aries.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Next to Leos, Tauruses are some of the most confident badasses in astrology. Seriously, you don’t even care that Scorpio judges you because you just want to live your life for you—and that extends to your sexual life as well.
Vulnerability isn’t really your thing (or at least you won’t admit it), but talking to your SO before the act with two (or more) backs can help you become even more confident during sex. Playing on your zodiac sign’s self-assuredness can make you feel extra tenacious and empowered during sex.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Geminis are the should be unfuckable astrological atrocities beings, but you somehow still get it—because everyone loves a bit of chaos whether they’d like to admit it or nah.
Beyond your innate wtf-ery, you’re an inquisitive astrological anomaly. That extends in your sexual life, too. Whether you have a fetish you’ve been timid to tell your SO about or you’re curious about edging (seriously, Google it and thank us later.) use your time with bae to safely explore the diverse sexual universe.
You might find something that bolsters your boinking.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You’re subtly emotional. While you basically cry every day, you’re not keen to admit to it, and you’re definitely not willing to intentionally sob in front of a person—because you have a complex about letting people see you when you’re emotionally vulnerable.
But sex can be a very emotional process for you, which makes your Cancer attributes more astrologically aligned, hence it’s harder for you to conceal your emotions. You probs won’t cry during sex (but there’s no shame if you do, we’ve been there and, it’s nbd), but you might be at risk of saying that hasty L-word as you teeter on an orgasm. While you might want to avoid that awkward slip, try expressing your sensual side with some expressive touching and lingering kisses.
After all, your outward emotions shouldn’t be confined to your face.
Related: How To Come During Queer Sex When The World Is On Fire & We All Have Anxiety
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
The definition of confident essentially spawned from a Leo. Honestly, there isn’t much to say about a Leo’s sexual advice other than to just be your bad Leo-self.
Aside from your self-assured sexuality, you’re also a creative cretin and should hide it during sex. Seriously, have fun with some positions even if they might not seem anatomically possible.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Motivation is your strong suit, which can make you very a bit selfish in the bedroom (or wherever the f*ck you f*ck). Since you’re driven to get to your point of sweet sexual bliss, you might not be preoccupied with getting your partner off.
You could swap out sex for masturbation, seeing as you won’t offend your vibrator when she doesn’t get hers. But you sometimes like sex too, so just chill in the bedroom for a bit. After all, good things cum to those who wait. So wait a bit before your focus on your own pleasure.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Libras love being comfortable. And you’re definitely comfortable inside your comfort zone. While you might be content with your mundane masturbation sesh or your tedious thrusting, you can amplify your finale with some minor tweaks.
We’re not suggesting you suddenly switch typically-slated missionary to a butter churner (crtl+c → search engine → crtl+v+enter), but ease yourself into diversifying your sexual routine. Adding some light spanking into your go-to position could help add another dynamic to your sex, without straying you too far from your comfortability bubble.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
Everyone and Jupiter think that you’re a nympho. (And, if you are, so own it.) But the only thing canon about a Scorpio’s characteristics is the fact that you’re talkative. You’re judgy and you verbalize your judginess.
To refrain from critiquing bae’s in-game performance (unless they’re chill with that), redirect your communication-aptness by telling your partner what you want before, during and after sex. Verbalizing your needs and desire could also transmute into some fulfilling dirty talk.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Oh Sagittarius, you unspontaneous sex-zealot, you. Seriously, you’re an avid planner in your non-sexual life, so why not incorporate your agenda-making knowhow into your sexcapades. Because your constellation isn’t typically drive by whim, ad-libbing sex a bit can help you break away from that tradish amorous congress agenda.
Instead of getting into the ritualistic nature of getting into a tongue-tango on your futon and scrambling to the bedroom—because that still takes a great deal of mental preparation, even if it seems to just happen naturally, try something new. To avoid your hopefully impending orgasms from becoming routine, use the side of your, albeit rare, Sagittarius-impulsiveness and go down on your fling, bae, beau or pre-situationship in the kitchen. Or use an ice cube during foreplay. (Again, Google it.)
Changing up a small aspect of your sex life could also help you and your partner figure our new kinks, which is never a bad thing. Just make sure everyone consents to everything, at all times.
Overall, you might be inclined to use your astrological tendencies to improve your probably already stellar sex, but ~sometimes~ using your natural zodiac sign characteristics can only help uphold your sexual routine. In reality, every zodiac sign strives for greatness—even during fornication.
So, use your zodiac signs as a baseline and expand on your astrological traits to have better sex, regardless of your daily horoscope, WTF Chiron is doing to your waning emotions, or if you’re at the cusp of your zodiac sign.