A Dating Expert’s 5 Rules For Introducing Your New Partner To Your Family On Thanksgiving

The holidays can be stressful enough as it is. Adding a new partner into the picture might seem like the perfect way to relieve the stress — and sometimes, it can be. But, I think I’ll speak for most when I say that introducing a new partner during the family’s annual sh*tshow will have you feeling mashed and stirred up like gravy and mashed potatoes. But, I get it: Sometimes, it’s your only option. 

If you’re traveling far or just happen to start dating around the holidays, it can be nearly impossible to avoid the ‘rents and extended family’s desperate pleas to meet your new partner. So, you gotta give ‘em what they want. But, because introducing your partner to the family during the holidays comes with its own set of unique challenges, you want to make sure you prepare for the worst, according to sex and relationship therapist Dr. Debra Laino. 

So, if you’re feeling nervous, stressed, or overwhelmed about introducing your significant other to the fam this holiday season, these are five things to do and prepare. After all, your partner is bound to meet your family at some point, so why not make it just that much more interesting… right?  

Tell your family beforehand.

When it comes to preparing your family to meet a new partner, you never know how they’re going to react until that very moment. Of course, you can always guess, but you never know when they might take on their protective role. So, your best bet is to prepare them as best you can. This should start by giving your parents notice, and keeping lines of honest communication open.

On top of that, it’s important to give your parents some background information so they know what they’re getting themselves into. “I think giving a heads up of some common interests is a good idea as it does a bit of pre-connecting,” says Laino. “And, they can be conversation starters.” 

However, for parents, the main thing they’re usually worried about is making sure you’re happy with your partner. So, as long as you’re reassuring them that this person makes you feel happy, secure, and fulfilled as best you can, this should relieve at least some (if not all) of your parent’s skepticism.

Keep the conversation light.

Laino emphasizes that you should keep conversations light and social. It’s already challenging enough to have your parents meet your partner during the holidays, but add politics to the picture and you might just activate beast mode. (Or feast mode, get it?) “Be welcoming and avoid controversial topics, especially these days,” says Laino. “Aim to keep things light and positive, and stay away from politics, sex, and religion, unless you know you align.”

Instead, you’ll want to find common ground and look for shared interests. “Give a little background on yourself, where you come from, what you’re interested in, what you’re in school for, where you work,” says Laino. “Keep the conversation light.”

It’s important that your partner does not interrupt your parents and family, and stay actively listening and engaged throughout the conversation. The worst thing you can do is zone out for a second and realize later that you’ve completely forgotten where the parents work. 

Keep the first meeting short.

It might be best to introduce your partner to your family a day or two before dinner to avoid any prolonged awkwardness. “The first meeting shouldn’t be many hours,” says Laino. “It’s better to keep it short and sweet as the introduction.” This can be anything from a light dinner, coffee, or a stop by the parent’s house before the actual Thanksgiving festivities. “This way, there are not long awkward periods of silence in between the light conversation topics,” Laino says.

Introduce an activity.

Finding activities to do during the holiday gathering can be the perfect window for eliminating that sense of tension and awkwardness. It’s also a way for partners and family members to be themselves and express their true personalities around the other. 

“If a holiday is the first meeting, bringing a board game can be a nice icebreaker,” says Laino. “A round of miniature golf could be another example of an outing where short conversations can happen but enough of a distraction that it won’t get awkward.” 

Sometimes, all you have to do is prepare the best you can, set up a good ol’ game of charades, and trust that the rest will follow.

Stay by your partner’s side.

Leaving your partner alone with your parents might elevate their nerves and anxiety. Because you’re the common denominator between your partner and parents, it’s important that you stay to alleviate the tension throughout the gathering for both sides’ sake. “It’s not a good idea to leave your partner alone at the first meeting,” says Laino. “This can make your partner feel anxious and tense as well as your parents.” 

Additionally, it’s essential to advocate for your partner and support them during this time. “For example, if your dad is interrogating your partner and they get really uncomfortable because they are not used to that, ask dad to back off a bit in private,” says Laino. “It’s also important to recognize your parents are not dating your partner and your partner is not dating your parents.”

First impressions are always intimidating. But, if your partner is the one for you, and you do all that you can to prepare and ensure a smooth first meeting, you just have to trust that everything will fall into place just as it’s supposed to. Happy Thanksgiving!

• dating
• HC Thanksgiving 2024
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