When you think about Valentine’s Day, what typically comes to mind? Maybe some roses, chocolates, and romantic gestures from the person you might deem as “The One.” While this holiday traditionally revolves around monogamous couples, I’d like to look at love outside of convention. For many monogamous couples, Valentine’s Day can be accompanied by feelings of obligation and the pressure to craft the quintessential romantic experience. But does Valentine’s Day in a polyamorous relationship have the same pressure?
While Valentine’s Day is typically associated with “traditional” monogamous relationships, it’s important to recognize, and celebrate, all types of love — and I’m not just talking about Galentine’s Day. Despite the growing popularity of polyamorous relationships, consensual non-monogamy still remains a taboo topic. While there is a lingering stigma surrounding polyamorous relationships, poly influencers are dedicated to normalizing these types of relationships, and educating viewers on consensual non-monogamy. They often emphasize that, in many respects, polyamorous relationships are not significantly different from “traditional monogamous” relationships.
In reevaluating what Valentine’s Day truly means within the context of polyamory, I was lucky enough to interview poly TikTokers Alana, Kevin, and Megan — also known as Camp Throuple on TikTok — and Asia Marshay, known as Asiaabaybee.
Kevin (33), Megan (36), and Alana (26) share their journey as a polyamorous trio, offering glimpses into their everyday life as a throuple. From comedic skits to what an average day looks like for them, their online presence continue to educate others about polyamorous relationships.
Similarly, Asia’s TikTok account features personal content, GRWMs, and poly advice. She and her partners take a more educational approach on their YouTube channel, “Give Love a Tri.” Here, they delve into insightful discussions and serve as a voice of positivity within the polyamorous community.
Let’s dive into the world of polyamory with the voices shaping the community and see how they celebrate Valentine’s Day, shall we?
What does Valentine’s Day look like for you as a throuple?
Camp Throuple: For us, Valentine’s Day is just another opportunity to highlight what we try to do every day: focus on the love we have for each other. It’s not about going all out just because the calendar says so, but we do make it a bit special. We usually whip up a nice meal at home, and keep it low-key and intimate. Since quality time is all of our top love language, that’s where we put our energy!
Asia Marshay: Our Valentine’s Day is normally spent together, as any other “traditional” relationship would spend their day. Being that we are a throuple, where we are all romantically involved with one another, we spend that day enjoying each other’s company and embracing how far we’ve come in our journey. Our male partner plans and dedicates that day to our female partner and me, experiencing new places and creating new memories as a throuple.
Is celebrating Valentine’s Day in a polyamorous relationship any different than a monogamous relationship?
AM: From our point of view, Valentine’s Day is no different when you’re polyamorous. It’s a celebration of our relationship, using the day as a reminder, that we are thankful to love and be loved by the people we are with. On Valentine’s Day even though we spend the day together, Our male partner, before or after our activities as a throuple, sets time with me and our female partner
CT: Oh, for sure, it’s a bit different when you’re in a polyamorous setup. Time management becomes a bit of a jigsaw puzzle, trying to make sure everyone’s feeling the love and nobody’s left out. But honestly, since we’re not too caught up in the whole gift-giving frenzy, it’s more about finding that sweet spot where we can all just be together.
As someone who has more than one partner, how do you navigate Valentine’s Day?
AM: Financially, our male partner caters to and dedicates Valentine’s Day to his women. On Sweetest Day (Oct. 19), she and I cater to and dedicate the day to him.
CT: Since we’re all about that quality time, it kind of takes the pressure off the wallet. Imagine having to buy twice the gifts haha. But for us, it’s more about making memories together. Cooking a nice meal (the steaks can get a bit pricey), sharing laughs, and just being with each other is worth more than any gift for us!
HAS BEING POLYAMOROUS CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF VALENTINE’S DAY?
CT: Not really, to be honest. None of us were ever too big on the whole commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day to begin with. So, diving into this polyamorous adventure hasn’t really flipped the script on how we view the day. It’s always been more about the connection and less about the commerce for us.
AM: Being polyamorous, the only view that has changed about Valentine’s Day is focusing less on the holiday and more on creating another opportunity to celebrate our love for one another.
Like every other couple, the backbone of Valentine’s Day for these poly influencers’ relationships lies in understanding their partners and tailoring the day of love to suit their individual preferences and desires. As we reflect on Valentine’s Day, it’s important to recognize how true love extends beyond the confines of monogamy and celebrates the beauty of human connection in all its forms.