Amidst the chaos of daily life, the word “stressed” can seem like an understatement. It’s hard to look past the stressors even though, inevitably, they always end up going away. In the past, when I’ve had a bad day, I struggled to control my emotions or change my perspective so that I could see things in a brighter light.Â
My younger brother went to boarding school 10 hours away when I was 13 years old — something that was super hard for me, since I knew I would miss him so much. When my family and I would go up and visit him, he told us that his school would talk about identifying life’s highs and lows. My family took it a step further, though, and started to talk about our TMOJs: Our Tiny Moments Of Joy, or the little moments of life that typically go unnoticed during our day-to-day. But at that age, talking about the highs and lows of my day didn’t mean much to me; I was familiar with the typical “rose, bud, and thorn” exercise, which was perfect for small talk, but not something I gave much thought to.Â
For nearly nine years, my family has kept up the tradition. Every night at dinner, or even if we were apart, my family and I would tell each other our highs, lows, and TMOJs of the day. It became our thing, a cherished ritual that I love — and something that has shifted my perspective, and changed my mental health, for the better.
Dwelling on the negative comes easily to me, and it has become a pattern that, to this day, is hard to break. For example, just as my summer was set to start, I got my organic chemistry exam grade back: Let’s just say, I was pretty humbled by my grade. I began to crash and spiral. As a perfectionist who has always taken academics really seriously, I couldn’t look past the bad grade, and I felt it consume me. Up until that moment, I had never understood what imposter syndrome meant. But once I got that grade back, I was starting it right in the face.
I did what I could to pull myself out of it, though. I went to pilates, giving my mind a break, and then treated myself to my favorite dinner: lemon pasta. Slowly but surely, these little things, my TMOJs, put things into perspective. Once I identified them, I realized that my bad grade was just a hiccup, and there is so much joy in my life that far outweighs the negativity.
As I started to intentionally focus on identifying and acknowledging just three TMOJs each day, I noticed a shift. Those tiny moments of joy — whether it was a trip to Starbucks with a friend, or a taco dinner with my pledge class — began to overshadow the negativity. They put everything into perspective, reminding me that while bad moments might feel overwhelming, they’re not all-consuming.Â
Embracing life’s TMOJs has transformed my perspective on handling stress and difficult days. In the past, I would often find myself overwhelmed by hardship, whether that be school, friendships, or boys. When things didn’t go as planned, I would spiral into a negative mindset, feeling as though the world was crumbling around me. It may sound dramatic, but those “the world is ending” moments felt all too real, and I struggled to pull myself out of that emotional cavern.Â
As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to deeply appreciate life’s TMOJs, even if I hadn’t thought of them much before. The notion that the most profound joys in life often stem from the tiniest moments has taken on a new meaning for me. It’s not just a routine anymore; it’s a mindset that has shaped how I approach life’s challenges.
By placing so much value on the little things, the weight of the bad things started to diminish. It’s still a work in progress, but this practice has given me a new lens through which to view my life. When I actively celebrate the small joys, the challenges seem far less daunting. It’s been a reminder that joy, no matter how small, is contagious.