How To Start Conversations About Mental Health With Your Male Friends, From An Expert

In addition to Pride, June was also men’s mental health month: a time dedicated to opening up and removing the stigma on mental health, specifically for the male population. 

I know what you’re thinking: what now? I’ve never heard that before. The fact is, last month, there was only radio silence on social media about men’s mental health. The event got no screen time, and I saw nobody discussing the importance of men’s mental health, both in person and online. Instead, my FYP was full of pop culture breakdowns and recent social media disasters.

It was only with two days left in June when I learned: Oh crap, it’s men’s mental health month. Yet I couldn’t recall the last time I initiated a conversation about mental health with any of my guy friends. I always find myself checking in on my female friends, but never seem to do the same for the guys.

Honestly, it’s an intimidating beast to tackle — with men specifically, mental health feels much harder to bring up. But as a mental health advocate and friend, I have to do my part to ensure that the men in my life feel heard, and that I’m giving this essential issue its fair share of attention and action. So, with the help of licensed psychologist David Tzall, here’s the best way to bring up mental health with your guy friends to ensure we’re including men in these conversations beyond the month of June. 

Men face more difficulty discussing mental health, further emphasizing the need for conversation.

It’s no secret men are less open about their mental health. Discussing these struggles is viewed by society as infringing on one’s masculinity, softening one’s bold and confident exterior. Think about it: we’re no strangers to phrases like “suck it up,” “grow a pair,” “cry like a girl,” or simply “be a man.” Weakness is the fear of so many men, while most Gen Z women understand the turmoil of burying our emotions, instead confiding in each other and seeking out resources like therapy.

“Men are expected, by large swaths of society, to be independent and strong and not show weakness,” Tzall confirms. But this is all a symptom of toxic masculinity. The truth is, opening up about mental health only makes you stronger, setting you on the path to improvement. It displays self-awareness, confidence, and resilience, because it takes guts to admit your faults, and even more to work on them. More men would be better off talking about their issues, because that’s the first step toward recovering and becoming more mentally sound. 

And let’s clear something else up: men are in need of mental health help, just as women are. “Men certainly struggle with mental health issues just as much as women,” Tzall says. “Simply being a man or identifying as a man does not mean that you have fewer mental health issues or matters to address.” That’s why this is such an essential topic — men need help, but many aren’t receiving it for fear of embarrassment or shame.

Leading by example is one way to begin.

Although many Gen Z men are becoming more comfortable opening up, taking things slow might be a good idea for avoidant types. That starts by simply bringing topics surrounding mental health into conversations through your own experiences — without trauma dumping or delving too deeply into your own issues, of course! 

Introduce the conversation casually — while hanging out, getting a bite to eat, or on a walk. “Share your own thoughts and experiences related to mental health in a casual manner,” Tzall advises. For example, he recommends saying something like, “I’ve been feeling a bit anxious lately, and I find talking about it helps. How about you? Have you ever experienced anything like that?” You can even be as simple as, “I’m so stressed about school right now; it’s all I’m thinking about. What about you?”

They might respond well, or they may dismiss the topic. Either way, be kind and respectful. “You should always be understanding and non-judgmental when discussing mental health topics,” Tzall continues. “Let your friend or partner know that you are there to listen and offer support if they ever want to talk about their own experiences or concerns.”

Continue asking open questions and sharing resources whenever appropriate.

The next step is easy — casually introduce mental health discussions into your friendship now and then. This will grow their comfort with these kinds of conversations whilst ensuring that they’re not overwhelmed. 

One common mistake to avoid in these instances is opting for closed-ended questions — as in, ones that only require a “yes” or “no” answer. Although easy and direct, these don’t provoke much conversation or introspection, which is one of our main goals here. “Engage in conversations that encourage sharing and reflection and be sure to use open-ended, rather than closed-ended, questions,” Tzall says. “Ask questions like, ‘How do you usually cope with stress?’ or ‘What do you do when you’re feeling down?’” 

I know it can be awkward, but that’s why relating to them is always a good way to ensure they’re not feeling interrogated. Plus, it’s often the important and productive conversations that are the most difficult.

It’s also a great idea to further open up the discussion by providing them with other ways to learn and grow, including but not limited to Internet resources. “Sharing relevant articles, podcasts, or books that discuss mental health topics can be positive ways to broach the subject without coming on too strong,” Tzall agrees. Articles (just like this one!) can be a low-stress way to provoke conversation and education. Or, if you see a captivating TikTok or Instagram post about mental health worth sending, feel free to do so, letting them know you found it interesting. 

Keep at it and be patient — opening up takes time.

It can be tough waiting for validation or confirmation that you’ve done the right thing — especially if you’ve been met with less-than-positive feedback when attempting to start these conversations. Trust me, even if they’re in denial, you’re likely still helping them learn — slowly is better than not at all.

“Be patient and understanding, and recognize that not everyone may be comfortable discussing mental health openly right away,” Tzall says. “Give your friend or partner space and time to process the conversation, and let them know that you’re always available when they’re ready to talk.” Just because they don’t open up right away, doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and it shouldn’t lead to you avoiding the topic of mental health around them. In the end, all they need is time and support, just like everyone else.

I know many men have a tough exterior, but don’t be fooled — they struggle just like all of us. It’s likely intimidating and uncomfortable for them to start talking about their mental health. But with a steady approach to starting these conversations, they’ll come around to seeing the benefits soon — it just takes a balance of kindness, persistence, and patience.

• mental health
• wellness