I Did A Thing is our weekly advice column where the Her Campus editorial team helps you out when you ruin your own life (hey, we’ve been there). Email advice@hercampus.com for any and everything you need help with. We’ll answer you (anonymously!) on hercampus.com so we can all learn, together. We’ve got your back.
@pregnantandconfused: I am a senior in college and I am pregnant. I will give birth to a baby girl in July. My boyfriend has been super supportive and has decided to stick around and I will be graduating in August with my bachelors degree in political science and psychology. Sounds like we might actually make it work, right? Wrong. My boyfriend still has another two years of school to complete and our families are insisting that I move back home to raise the baby at my mother’s house until he graduates. The problem is, home is an hour away from where he goes to school. We have plans to see each other every weekend but I still don’t think that gives him enough time with the baby. My ideal situation would be to move in together and start our lives right when the baby is born, not wait for two years. So tell me, am I being selfish for wanting to move in with him? And how can I keep our relationship strong if we really are separated for two years?
I can already hear you groaning, but here’s the thing: You know the saying “it takes a village?” Well, that will never ring more true than after you have a baby. Moving in with your boyfriend means you will most likely take on the biggest chunk of time when it comes to caring for your child. Though he’ll be there with you after classes each day, there will be times when he’ll be too focused on getting through his classes in order to graduate and may not pay as much attention to you and the baby as you thought he might. Then you’ll also need to consider the fact that he’ll most likely need to get a job in order to support the three of you, leaving little to no time at home with your and the baby. You’ll start to feel as though you’re carrier the heavier burden when it comes to your child, and it will cause you to resent him.
I say, move back in with your mom. Let her help you as much as she’s willing to so that you can also have a chance at jumpstarting your career—that’s what you went to school for after all, right? Set up a schedule that works for you and your boyfriend to make sure you’re getting adequate amount of time together, ensuring he’s spending as much time as he can (and should) with the baby. Once he’s finished with school, then the two of you can figure out the next steps to building a home together with your little family. But until then, what may be best for you and the baby is to look to your family for support. Trust me, the day-to-day is always tougher on a young mom and you’re going to need all the help, love and support you can get. Right now, your priority should be you and your baby, making sure you become the successful woman I’m sure you hope to be, who doesn’t need to ever rely on any man, because you always have to be prepared for anything.