Sex should be fun, exciting, and especially, something you actually want to do. But with hookup culture seemingly at an all-time high and the “just go with it” mentality still lingering in the air, the pressure to have sex is real — and it’s a problem.
A 2025 Her Campus survey of 770 Gen Zers found that 62% of respondents admitted that they’ve felt pressured to have sex, even when they didn’t want to. TBH, it’s time to shift the narrative and start creating a space where saying “no” is just as cool as saying “yes.” And this starts by ditching the pressure and instead, putting the focus on consent, respect, and having fun on our own terms.
Let’s get one thing straight: setting boundaries shouldn’t feel like defusing a bomb, and saying “no” doesn’t need an apology. But in a world where we’re conditioned to make our partner happy while avoiding “killing the mood,” shutting it down can be way harder than it looks. So, with that being said, how do you communicate your boundaries without feeling awkward, guilty, or like you’re starring in a cringey sex-ed PSA?
I got the DL from sex therapist Emily Lambert Robins, who spilled all the juicy deets about just how to go about communicating your boundaries without feeling guilty or pressured. Whether you’re with a long-term partner, a situationship, or even a casual hookup, here’s how to make your boundaries crystal clear — without the guilt, second-guessing, or unnecessary stress that nobody asked for.
Your comfort is non-negotiable.
It’s so normal to feel scared to express boundaries, especially when you don’t know how your partner is going to react. “Remind yourself that your comfort is not negotiable, and you don’t need to justify your feelings to be valid,” Robin says. Whether you need to talk through your emotions with your bestie or even a therapist to feel more confident within yourself and set your boundaries, it’s important to address where these fears come from. Is it from a fear of conflict or rejection, or does it come from past experiences or societal expectations?
While this may seem intimidating, it’s so important to communicate with your partner about your boundaries. Robins explains that while “communicating that you aren’t ready to have sex can feel vulnerable, it’s an act of self-respect.” She recommends using “I statements,” such as “I really enjoy spending time with you, but I’m not ready to have sex yet.” It’s important to keep your statement simple and straightforward as to not send any mixed signals and to ensure that you’re setting firm boundaries in place.
Remember that a healthy relationship includes mutual respect
It’s such a normal feeling to feel bad after telling your partner that you don’t want to have sex. However, setting boundaries “begins with recognizing that your comfort and readiness matters just as much as your partner’s desires,” Robins explains. It’s so important to recognize that your boundaries come first — if you don’t want to have sex, you don’t have to. Robins goes on to say that if you’re in a situation where you feel pressured, “remind yourself that a healthy relationship includes mutual respect.” If your partner isn’t respecting your boundaries, it’s time to kick them to the curb.
Prioritize your feelings and stay firm in your decision.
It’s happened to so many people around the world: they tell their partner they don’t want to have sex, and their partner gets upset, so they decide to have sex anyway despite not wanting to. By ignoring your boundaries and having sex anyway, you’re essentially telling yourself that someone else’s feelings matter more than yours. It’s so important to prioritize yourself and “stay grounded in your decision,” Robins explains. “You aren’t responsible for managing [someone else’s] emotions, only for communicating your own boundaries with kindness and clarity.”
IMO, one of the most important aspects of a relationship is feeling comfortable and being able to communicate, so what do you do when you feel like you can’t do that? If your partner dismisses or challenges your feelings, “that may be a sign to reevaluate the relationship’s level of respect and emotional safety,” Robins reveals. “The right people in your life will respect and support your decisions, even when they don’t align with their own desires.”
Practice affirmations to feel empowered within yourself.
Honestly, self-affirmations are such a great way to feel empowered within yourself and your decision. Self-affirmations such as “My comfort and readiness matter,” “I don’t need to apologize for my boundaries,” “A healthy relationship respects my choices,” and even “I deserve a partner who values my emotional safety,” can provide so much reassurance and clarity about the importance of sticking to your boundaries, as Robins recommends. “Your voice deserves to be heard, and no one else has the right to dictate your timeline,” Robins explains.
Overall, it’s so important to stay grounded with you — because at the end of the day, you never have to have sex if you don’t want to. At the end of the day, sex should be something you want to do, not something you feel like you have to do. Intimacy is a big deal, and it’s totally okay if you need to take some time to figure out how (and when) you want to set your boundaries. And if someone can’t respect that? Well, maybe that’s when it’s time to escort them out of your life.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org.