Growing up, I heard, “Find a guy who loves you for you, don’t ever change for anyone. If a guy doesn’t accept you for who you are, then he isn’t worthy of your presence. He should respect you, be honest, trustworthy and pray with you and for you.” And if he doesn’t do all of these things then he isn’t the one.

Yeah, I heard all of this. And yeah, I thought I understood what exactly it was that I deserved. Turns out I was wrong. The thought in my head of what I deserved was actually that –a thought.

It took me 21 years to realize I was wrong and my mom was right. I’m stubborn, okay?

Here’s what I realized … my past relationships have all been half-assed. I’ve been settling for the thought of what I deserved rather than the actualization and reality of what I deserve.

Sure okay—I’ve been in some great relationships. But there have also been those dreaded relationships I try my best to deny and act as if it never happened. Taking it back to those “great relationships” though, what I’ve finally realized is this: when things were great, they were great. I was treated like a princess. But that’s where I was letting myself down. Being treated like a princess is only okay when a father does it to his little girl.

A guy that is truly all in, all about you and all for you will treat you like a queen without even realizing he has gone far and beyond that princess stage. Another thing I’ve realized is that I’ve never had anyone be legitimately as caring, concerned, willing and “all about me.” What I had was this thought in my head. A thought that was more-or-less a made up scenario. This thought of how things should be and a thought of what it was I had this desire for. That’s where it screwed me up and over. In actuality, I was letting those thoughts take over and pushing back the reality of it further and further.

For the sake of this article we’ll call him Max.

Dear Max, thanks to you I now see what it is that I really deserve. You came into my life unexpectedly and where we met blows me away. I never would have expected to meet someone like you at a club, of all places. This just shows that the stereotype of “club people” is in fact a stereotype.

So, ladies. As a side note. Make sure you lookin’ hella good and keep being that beautiful bad bitch that you are.

I’ve encountered so many fuckboys going out with my girls. But you, Max, changed the game and opened my eyes to the reality of what it means to be treated like a lady. Out in public, privately or with your boys: it doesn’t matter. It’s the consistent actions that came across as something new—yet something eye-opening. If I hadn’t realized it before, I definitely realize it now. And what I realized is that the actions I’m used to were inconsistent, and the words most certainly were contradicting to the actions in the past.

So, what I’ve realized is exactly this: I am who I am and if a guy cannot accept me for every ounce of my worth then it’s not just he who is missing out, but so am I. Missing out on life that is.

Never ever settle just because you think it’s what you deserve. Find the guy who not only calls you beautiful but also makes you feel it: with the way he looks at you, the way he acts and treats you, the way he says your name, and the way he makes you feel like the rest of the world has a vignette, a blurred out background.

So here’s to you, Max. And all of your greatness. Thank you.

An Open Letter To the Guy Who Helped Me Realize I Deserve Better

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