College is not real life. For four (or more) years, you are free to do whatever you’d like, whenever you’d like… this is great news for all collegiettes, and for young couples, it’s the freedom they’ve always wanted! The absence of parental supervision and/or disapproval opens doors to couples in college to set their own rules and spend as much time together as they like.
‘Playing house,’ as my parents like to call it, is something that couples have been doing at college for decades. Many girls and guys find themselves sleeping over at their significant other’s places so often that they may as well be paying rent. Although this seems like an ideal lifestyle for young lovers, at some point, reality kicks in. How can it affect your relationship? How can it impact your college experience? Her Campus has got you covered. We asked collegiettes to weigh in on what they think are the best and worst parts of the love shack set-up. Check out the pros and cons of ‘playing house’ and how you can maintain a healthy relationship through it all.
So why do we like to ‘play house’?
We Get To Spend All the Time in the World Together!
According to these young couples, the best part about spending every night sleeping at each other’s apartments is that they can spend as much time together as they want; they don’t have to worry about splitting their minutes between their family and friends and their significant other. Katie, a junior from the University of Chicago, says, “It’s a lot easier splitting my time when I know that whenever I get back from doing something, my boyfriend will be at my apartment. I don’t have to cut out separate times to be with him because we see each other every morning and night.”
Why This Might Be Unhealthy
Spending time as a couple is great, but if seeing each other before bed and in the morning is your main interaction, it sounds more like an unhappy marriage than a budding relationship. If your guy is always at your apartment, this probably means the two of you are only spending time shut up in there, and aren’t going out to do fun, social things. Set aside nights when you know he won’t be staying over and go out to a movie or get ice cream. It’s hard to really get to know someone if you’re only interacting with him in the same environment. Spending so much time alone can also create distance between you and your friends (and him and his). Isolation like this could become unhealthy, so it’s important to also set time apart from each other. Jodi R. R. Smith, founder of Mannersmith, an etiquette consulting firm, and author of From Clueless to Class Act: Manners for the Modern Man and From Clueless to Class Act: Manners for the Modern Woman, believes that living together will definitely take a toll on other parts of your life. According to Smith, ‘playing house’ tends to limit your social circles. “You hang with your significant other instead of building friendships and other lasting relationships,” she explains. That doesn’t sound much like a good college experience to us.
[pagebreak]
It’s Convenient!
Allison, from the University of Florida, class of 2013, says that it’s easier for her boyfriend to just sleep over or for her to stay at his place after they go out. “If we go out until late at night, it’s easier to just take a cab or walk to one place. That way he doesn’t have to worry if I get home OK.” Leigh, from the University of Illinois says, “He has a car, so in the morning he can drive me to my class that is really far away, or vice-versa. It’s nice to have that option when I wake up, otherwise it would take me forever to get to class.”
Why This Might Be Unhealthy
While this is a very logical point, there’s a bit of selfishness attached to the whole convenience aspect. Sure, it’s very convenient for both you and your boy-toy, but I can think of a few people who would probably argue the other way. Remember your roomies?! The people you decided to live with, who pay rent, who own just as much of the apartment as you do? A few nights a week of hosting a “guest” probably wouldn’t P many roomies off, but if your guy might as well be moved in, then there is an issue at hand. Take it from a roommate who has been there before. Kendall, a rising senior at Miami University of Ohio, recalls a certain situation where one of her roommate’s boyfriends spent a ton of time at their house. “I was nervous every time I got out of the shower or was sitting in my towel wrap watching TV that my roommate’s boyfriend was going to walk in. One time I walked in on him peeing in my bathroom! I didn’t sign a lease to live with a guy!” Be respectful of the other people who live in your apartment; when your boyfriend is coming over, let your roommates know ahead of time so no one is caught off guard. There are some people that wouldn’t mind having another person around, while others won’t be able to stand the over-crowding and mooching. Before making anyone uncomfortable or jeopardizing any friendships, set some ground rules to keep the peace.
It Makes Our Relationship Better!
Most girls in college believe that playing house with their significant other is going to keep the guy around. One collegiette, a rising senior at Boston College said, “I know where he’s sleeping every night when he stays at my apartment. I never have to worry about him cheating because we’re always together.” Another collegiette said, “We don’t have any secrets. Living with someone (or basically living with them) really gives you an intimate view into their true personality. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad, but at least we know each other inside and out.”
Why This Might Be Unhealthy
Of course spending a lot of time together is a great way to get to know someone, but hello, people! Does anyone remember the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” If your guy knows every little thing about you and you’re still in college… where do you go from there? There is no element of mystery or surprise or even excitement if your boyfriend can anticipate your every move, plus it’s easier for a relationship to go stale if you lay it all on the table early on. Keep some things private so you can get to know each other a little at a time, otherwise before you know it you’ll be acting like an old married couple… and you’ve got your entire life to do that! Living together also limits your experiences. Carole Lieberman, author and relationship expert, believes that college is not the place to close off your options of others to date. “There are many interesting guys, and dating them teaches you about what you like in a guy and what is important to you when you ultimately choose ‘the one.’”
[pagebreak]
It Shows We’re Mature!
Some collegiettes believe that living together while still in college is a sign of maturity in their relationships. Caroline, a collegiette from the University of Kansas says, “It’s the next step in a relationship, especially if you’ve been dating for a while. Why wouldn’t you stay at each other’s places?” Another collegiette, Anna, a junior at Clemson University said, “I finally have the freedom to do what I want without my parents’ input, so I figure if I’m treated as an adult, I should have the ability to make my own decisions like an adult.”
Why This Might Be Unhealthy
‘Playing house,’ it’s true, is a game for the more mature couples. It’s a perfect scenario for when you’re at school, but what happens after these four magical years disappear and one of you is left living at his or her parents’, saving money for an apartment in the city? Or what about when you both graduate and one lands a great job in L.A. while the other is moving back to Chicago? Jodi R.R. Smith, etiquette guru, believes, “it is truly ‘playing’ house, since college is a step into the real world, but not quite there yet. Generally, you are not working full-time and someone else is truly supporting you. Living together in college does not automatically translate into being able to live together well after graduation.” If you’re going to be playing the mature card, it’s crucial to think about the future… after all, that’s a very mature thing to do. Planning ahead, although it’s not fun, is important for your relationship. Think about how much your relationship is going to change if you go from ‘playing house’ to dating long-distance, or to having to abide by your parents’ rules again? Keep in mind what could happen within the next few years. If you find a balance, adjusting to other living situations will be easier.
While some believe ‘living together,’ or at least behaving as if you do, is an exciting adventure, there are things to remember if you want to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Pay attention to other relationships in your lives and avoid isolating yourselves. Be respectful of the other people living with you, set ground rules and behave in accordance to what makes your roommates comfortable. Don’t limit yourself to one guy for the rest of your life if you’re not entirely sure about your relationship. ‘Playing house’ has a lot of factors that could leave one of you heartbroken, Dr. Lieberman notes. “Your significant other may get bored and want to date around, or doesn’t have the maturity to overcome problems, or graduation comes and your lover waves good-bye and says, ‘It’s been nice.’” So if you do choose to ‘play house’, keep this in mind!