I was a junior in college when a friend first asked if I wanted to try a pole dancing class with her. My initial answer? “F*** yes.” On second thought? “Hell no.”
I am ashamed to say that early in my life, I had stereotyped pole dancers and it was not an identity I felt comfortable taking on. From afar, I labeled pole dancers as being careerless, money-hungry women who tempted others into infidelity. A little extreme, perhaps — but this was the belief I held after growing up in a conservative, religious family. However, I never could have imagined the impact pole dancing would have on my life and the woman I am today.
Three years later, I can apologetically say my initial interpretation was far from the truth. I did go to that pole dancing class with my friend, and since then, I’ve continued to take classes (I’ve even danced in a strip club). I can confidently say pole has only brought positive change to my life and character development. Pole is what introduced me to my inner goddess — AKA the woman whose energy I embody in all walks of life. These are some of the major transformations I’ve witnessed since I took that first class three years ago. Here are some of the many lessons pole has taught me.
I’m more self-aware.
Prior to pole, my only experience dancing was through years of cotillion and Zumba classes I attended with my mom (both of which were at the local country club). Pole is a different type of dance, in both a technical aspect and due to the level of self-awareness it requires, amongst other things.
A large focus of pole is role-playing. There is a creative element encouraged in pole that requires you to focus less on how you think the movements should look, and more on how you feel during movements and routines. Rather than copying the movement someone is telling you to do, the goal is to surrender and allow your body permission to guide you.
Many people would be shocked to hear how little dance training you need to have a completely positive and embodying pole experience. Pole tends to get categorized as being a fitness class, but I encourage you to think of it otherwise; it’s more of an embodiment practice, an art form, and due to its personal nature, it can even be very triggering for beginners. Due to the level of self-awareness and vulnerability it requires, pole should be treated as a sacred activity. Pole can be a transformational experience for practitioners of all levels — but in order for those transformations to safely happen, your nervous system needs to believe it is in a safe container to surrender.
I’m In Charge of My Personal Narrative.
For me, the hardest part of pole dancing has been battling internal shame and self-judgment. It has never been the technical part of dancing or performing in front of others. I remember going to my first class, sliding my clothes off, and being invited to move in a way I had never done before. It triggered me, but feeling naked (both physically and metaphorically) quickly became quite addicting. Over time, I began to love my triggers because they encouraged me to grow.
Any time I faced resistance during movement, I saw it as an invitation to pause, become curious, and ultimately search for my inner truth. Over time, I was able to break free from restrictive programming and begin to reclaim my personal narrative. To this day, I find that pole leaves me with an even greater sense of freedom, authenticity, and peace. I know no one is in charge of owning my identity but myself. The same sense of power and self-expression I feel during pole is the same divinity that flows through me whenever I engage in an activity that helps me feel strong — like when writing a successful essay or doing something courageous for a friend.
I Stopped Comparing Myself To Others.
Everyone looks completely different on the pole. And although the focus is not the visual component, nor to compare or judge, it can be very easy to catch yourself doing so, given the physical nature of the activity. Every dancer embodies a completely different persona, and we do this in our personal lives, as well. There is a tremendous amount of freedom in the way the movements are expressed. The more comfortable I became feeling uncomfortable, the more I craved the feelings pole brought me. It helped me feel free. It helped me feel powerful. It helped me see myself in a way that cannot be expressed in words.
On a larger scale, pole has helped me realize which areas of my life I’m performing in. Part of what makes everyone look different is that they are role-playing, but an even greater element of it is authenticity. Pole has invited me to let go of things that no longer feel authentic or true to me. You will never be everyone’s cup of tea. The more fully you begin to embody yourself, the more comfortable others will be letting their guard down in front of you. There is no room for comparison.
I Feel A Stronger Sense Of Identity
Society practically encourages us to live our lives on autopilot. We put metaphorical (and literal) “masks” on to perform our roles so well that many of us can’t tell who we are without them. For example, during the pandemic, many of us lost our sense of identity after being removed from our everyday routines and social lives. Pole gives me the space to free myself and to be myself—free from external influence.
I’ll admit that I do have trouble seeing my own identity sometimes, but I have safeguards in place to help remind myself of this. Pole helps me see these things. With all other “layers” removed, I get to embrace the loving, beautiful person within. I also get to witness her transformation and the evolution of those around me.
Pole has helped me feel confident embodying my own feminine identity and how I present myself to the external world. I see my own version of the divine feminine flowing through me. And although everyone contains elements of both the divine masculine and the divine feminine, there are an infinite number of ways these traits can be expressed. Those qualities change and evolve naturally, as well.
The Western world tends to prioritize “masculine” energy; American culture is all about “doing,” status, productivity, and external achievement. Pole is an act of surrender. It’s all about being, embracing, and letting go, qualities closely related to the divine feminine. While I find elements of masculine consciousness, structure, and productivity to be extremely helpful in some aspects of life, I purposely engage in what helps support my feminine essence. I believe the more fully we can embody ourselves (including the parts of ourselves we have a harder time liking), the easier it will be to appreciate who we are and respect the differences between us.
I Started Moving For Fun & Pleasure
As someone who once struggled with an eating disorder, this lesson was an important one for me. Logically, I had always known exercise could be just for fun and enjoyment, but it was much easier to say than to actually believe. There are now many physical activities I do just for fun. Pole was the first. It brought me a sense of pleasure; pleasure not in addition to some ulterior motive, but pleasure for the sake of pleasure itself. It’s also kind of taboo and kind of kinky, which is pleasurable for me in and of itself.
Even when it is done in front of others, pole isn’t about performing. It’s about showing up for ourselves. It puts me into what some call the flow state or state of mind in which I become completely immersed into the activity I’m engaging in in the present moment. I love the way pole helps me see my sense of self embodied, and this pure energy radiates into all aspects of my life and identity.
I Began the Process of Reclaiming My Sexuality.
Growing up, I never questioned my sexuality or gave myself permission to think about what brought me pleasure. And as a trauma survivor, reclaiming my sexuality has been of the utmost importance. This was particularly relevant during my college years. Pole was a major trigger, but it was a trigger in a safe place.
Pole opened doors to help me think about sexuality on a broader spectrum. I gave myself permission to have desires, boundaries, and pleasure. This has given me the courage to not only stand up for myself but to fight for the freedom of others’ sexual expression and experimentation as well.
Pole is a platform to explore your sexuality free from the touch and desires of others. Through pole, I became aware of the emotions and beliefs I had surrounding sexuality and my past sexual experiences. These gradual, ongoing exposures helped me understand my own sexual desires, preferences, and boundaries. I began to feel comfortable entering sexual encounters. Now, I’m keenly aware of my boundaries and desires. I know when to say “yes” and when to say “no.” I also feel empowered to inquire about the desires and preferences of others, too. I can stay present to experience many forms of sexual pleasure—both with myself and others. I’m also able to fully receive and embrace them. I’ve also found my own flavor of flirty AF.
I never expected pole would bring me such important life lessons. Prior to taking my first pole class, I felt completely shut off from my own sexuality. Now, I see pole as a method to see the divine feminine within me. I get to embody her in all areas of life. This energy has only grown. Although I am sure that not everyone will learn the same lessons I did, pole is something I recommend you try. My wish is that everyone has a safe space where they can safely dissolve any shame and limiting beliefs surrounding their sexuality so they can unleash the beautiful, divine self living within them as they go about their everyday lives.