Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.
I’ve hooked up (and by hook up I mean heavy making out) with this guy four times now and I am confused by his intentions. He knows that I’m a virgin and plan on staying that way until I’m in a relationship, but he has shown no interest in being in a relationship. The thing is though, he continues to want to hook up with me and tries to invite me over as much as he can. We’ve talked about it, and he says he isn’t trying to take away my virginity and just likes hooking up with me, but knowing how guys are, this doesn’t make sense. When I do hook up with him, I don’t sense that he is trying to have sex with me, but he tries to get me to do other things. He is always telling me how he likes who I am, my personality, intelligence, humor, and that he’s very attracted to me, but I just don’t understand why he doesn’t try to date me then. I’ve settled on the conclusion that he doesn’t know what he wants and is in a confusing limbo of trying to remain single and have fun in college, but also really wanting me (he gets jealous when I’m with any other guy). If he says he usually just has FWB, why does he keep inviting me around knowing I won’t do that? – Lost at Lafayette
Lost,
Um, from what you’ve told me here, it seems like you are friends with benefits. He’s not trying to date you, you aren’t a one night stand, and yet, you guys keep hooking up. You could call it a fling, but since he says he likes your personality, it sounds exactly like friends with benefits.
This guy is confusing you by not knowing what he wants. And if you want him to become your boyfriend, you will have to play some dating game cards. By that, I mean, hang out with other guys since they make him jealous, and don’t always be available to him on the weekends. Demand to be taken out on a date or demand he doesn’t get any.
Your general conclusion that he doesn’t know what he wants is pretty much spot on. If you don’t want to become a girl who easily falls into FWB situations, then you have to stop hooking up with this guy. Either he plays by your rules or he moves on. And if he moves on, there are plenty of better guys out there, many of whom will take you on actual dates and commit to you in a relationship.