Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.
I have never had a boyfriend, been on a date, or even been kissed. I am 21 now, so it’s starting to get ridiculous. What 21-year-old hasn’t reached these milestones? The seriously weird kind, right? I am worried there is something wrong with me. I make lists in my head of all the reasons none of this has happened for me. Such as I am fat, ugly, boring, shy, socially inept, and a coward with no confidence. I have heard all the platitudes. “Don’t sweat it.” “The right guy’s just around the corner.” Etc. I don’t want to be placated. I just want honest opinions and advice. It’s not so much that I care how old I am when these things happen, but don’t guys care? I mean, even if I met a great guy tomorrow and he asked me out, how do I tell him that I am 21 and I have no experience? Like, “Hey, this is my first date!” Or, “Hey, that was my first kiss!” Won’t that be awkward? Also, I will have no idea what I am doing. Zip! Zero! Zilch! Nada! Even if I meet a nice guy, won’t he realize that I don’t know what I’m doing and be weirded out by my lack of experience? I realize that I am sounding like a total freak show; but, in real life I am actually quite pleasant and normal. I think people mostly like me. Just no one seems particularly interested in me. Help, please! – Neurotic at NYU
Neurotic,
I gave this a lot of thought, but the more I thought things through, the more I realized your situation, while rare, can be “fixed” for lack of a better word, rather easily. In fact, in a short time period you could become more experienced than a large portion of college women.
When you consider that HC’s Ultimate College Girl survey shows that 41% of college women are virgins, then really how much less experienced are you? Not as much as you would think.
Now per your questions about meeting a great guy and telling him you have no experience, well, this is why you need some practice. It would be asking way too much of one guy to give you all your firsts and most guys would be scared off if you told them about your lack of experience. Why risk losing a good guy over that?
My advice is to get your friends to help you. Heck are you that uncomfortable getting a first kiss from a friend? Either male or female? A kiss is a kiss whether the person knows about your experience or not. And if you don’t want to go that route, there is always the liquid courage route, which would allow you to possibly crash and burn without losing out on a guy whom you genuinely have feelings for.
As for going on your first date ever… well, don’t sweat it. Dates are really hard to define anyway. Is meeting up for coffee with a classmate you don’t know very well considered a date? If nothing comes from it, maybe it isn’t but if something does come from it then maybe it should be considered a date looking back. Don’t think of meeting up with a guy as a date… just think of it as a casual friendly hangout.
And again, don’t worry about the virgin status. If you want to lose it soon, then my advice would be to be honest with your friends and help them find you a guy that would be interested. If you want to wait, then take things step by step, and get comfortable kissing in the meantime.