Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
I went out with this guy last year and we broke up mutually for specific reasons. I still had feelings for him when he decided to move on and start another thing with another girl. Now that I’VE moved on, things with him and the new girl ended, and now he’s saying he missed me and he’s been thinking about me every day. IT’S BEEN A WHOLE YEAR.
Okay, so I gave him another chance and we talked and whatnot. All of a sudden, he acts all cold and he doesn’t even bother to text me back a goodbye. What’s up with that? Am I a rebound of a rebound, or is he playing hard to get? –Impatient at USC
Impatient,
Well, I don’t think you two broke up “mutually” if you still had feelings for him post-breakup. If that was the case, then it would have been a reluctant breakup.
So he moves on and rebounds with another girl, and you’re stuck watching on the sidelines. Breakups normally take some time to get over, and when you finally do get over them, it’s such a huge relief: “Whew, I’m over that person; I can be happy again.”
But woe is he; the rebound didn’t work out! The issue now is figuring out if he’s crawling back to you because he realized that breaking up was a mistake or because he’s just trying to get over his failed rebound by using you. It could very well be the first option, but I’ll be honest with you, Impatient… I don’t think it is.
I think he knows that you still (or at least used to) have feelings for him, and I think he wanted to take advantage of those feelings for his own physical benefit. I hate to say it, but it sounds like it worked. He’s playing “hard to get” because he got what he needed out of you.
So my advice? Kick him to the curb and don’t think twice about it. After a whole year, this guy comes crawling from the past to get attention out of you and then he just bounces? You’re worth more than that, and I think you know that you can do better. College is a mixed bag; you’re going to meet great guys and you’re going to meet awful guys. This particular guy is one of the latter ones, but that shouldn’t keep you from trying to meet the good ones. Take this as a learning experience and know what to look for in the future.
In the meantime, enjoy your newfound singlehood free from a guy who just wants to use you.