We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
So I slept with my ex-boyfriend’s ex-roommate. We were both drinking but definitely not so drunk that we didn’t know what we were doing. I had been really into him for a really long time and was thrilled when he asked if I wanted to hang out. After an amazing night and morning, we went back to real life, and now he says we can’t continue anything because he feels too bad about the bro code. Does that mean he really does feel bad about it or just isn’t that into me? He and my ex are not close, it was just an assigned situation and have not spoken to each other since they stopped living together. We have plans to hang out and “talk” this weekend and I really don’t know what to expect. Help! –Confused at Cal
Cal,
While I totally understand the “bro code” (though trust me, it doesn’t really exist in real life — guys can be big backstabbers), I don’t understand this man’s logic.
He’s your ex-boyfriend’s ex-roommate. The key word here being “ex,” as in “former.” I’ll have to consult my Real Live College Guy Bro Code Bible (not to be confused with the very real official Her Campus book coming in April) on this one, but I don’t think there’s any issue here. No, wait, I know there’s not any issue here.
They don’t even live together anymore. I could see boundaries being crossed if that was the case, but they haven’t talked to each other since moving out, and above all else, he’s your ex-boyfriend. He has no control over whomever you sleep with, and his past living situations shouldn’t either!
Which brings me to my admittedly unfortunate underlying point: If the Bro Code is BS (and it is, especially in this case), why is he using it as his excuse?
Look, the two of you were drunk. It’s not that uncommon to sleep with someone in a drunken state and then regret it the next morning. And just because you were into him doesn’t mean he was really into you — he may have just wanted a one-night stand, and that’s okay.
Next time you two meet up, ask him where he’s at with the whole thing and see if anything has changed. If not, I don’t think you should bother pursuing anything. Honestly, I don’t see any reason to. This really seems to come down to a (possibly) drunken one-night stand that he appears to regret. I think it’s most likely that he’s using your ex (and the alleged Bro Code) as an excuse because he doesn’t want to come out and tell you that he’s just not that into you.