If you ever find yourself wondering what could possibly be going through a guy’s head, look no further. Our Real Live College Guy Jake will give you the answers to your most burning questions about love, relationships and the stupid things that guys sometimes (okay, a lot of times) do and say. Read on to uncover truths that men have been guarding for centuries (and to find out whether or not he thinks wearing a belt over a T-shirt is stupid).
My boyfriend of two years just cheated on me — for the second time. The first time, it was a mistake, and I forgave him quickly. This time, he had an affair with another girl, so it’s obviously not a mistake, and I’m having a really hard time dealing with it. I don’t think I can forgive him. The only thing is, we are so compatible, and I value his friendship so much — he’s my best friend, and I’m afraid that I’ll never find someone I get along with as well as I do with him. Even though I can’t honestly tell him I love him right now, I want to stick it out and try to forgive him so that maybe we can get back to where we were before. But I’m wondering if that’s worth it because I’m miserable right now. I’m afraid that if I don’t try, years later I’ll regret it, but I’m also afraid that I’m holding myself back. Should I try to work it out with him, or should I just forget it? At what point should I know that it’s a lost cause?
-Forgive or Forget? at Florida State University
“The first time, it was a mistake, and I forgave him quickly.” Please listen to yourself. I don’t know what kind of spell this guy has over you, but it’s time to wake up. When it comes to cheating, there is no such thing as a mistake; there is only regret. Sure, he regrets it – because he either got caught or his own guilt caught up to him and he confessed. But if he had gotten away with it, do you think he would still consider it a mistake? No. He’d be high-fiving himself for being The Man. I think you’re getting the word “mistake” mixed up with its vernacular cousin, “accident.” While he would like you to think that the first time was an accident, the truth is that there are no accidents.
Your boyfriend made a conscious decision to cheat on you, and he should have been prepared to face the consequences. But that’s in the past; you decided to give him another chance, and who knows? Maybe he deserved one. That’s fine – I am personally a big fan of second chances and have benefitted from them on numerous occasions. But then, what did he do? He had a drawn-out affair with another girl.
This, in my opinion, is completely unforgivable. Think of all the lies he must have told and the secrets he must have kept from you in order to keep that thing going – I don’t know how you can call him a friend, let alone your best friend. I can’t think of a sleazier, more disrespectful act than having an affair (by my count, he committed six of the seven deadly sins). If he is willing to take advantage of you to the point where he is exploiting your love and your trust on a daily basis, then it sounds as though he isn’t worth your time.
I know it feels as though you will never find someone with whom you are so compatible, but how good of a match can he really be if his values are so far off? If you forgive him, you’ll never be back to where you were before because you won’t be able to forget what he did – something will always remind you of it. You say you are afraid that years later you’ll regret not sticking it out because you two are so perfect for each other. But I’m telling you that if you do give it another shot and this time it lasts, you will regret it even more. He has clearly demonstrated a lack of respect for you, not to mention some serious moral deficiencies. You don’t want to be married to that guy. If I were you, I’d make it a clean break and focus on yourself for a while. If he remains in your life, the temptation to lean on him will be too strong, and you will just fall back into the same pattern over and over again. You’re better than that – meet some new people and try to figure out the kind of guy who is right for you.
Sources
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/relationship-advice-on-cheating-boyfriend…