If you ever find yourself wondering what could possibly be going through a guy’s head, look no further. Our Real Live College Guy Jake will give you the answers to your most burning questions about love, relationships and the stupid things that guys sometimes (okay, a lot of times) do and say. Read on to uncover truths that men have been guarding for centuries (and to find out whether or not he thinks wearing a belt over a T-shirt is stupid).
During the last few weeks of the spring semester, I obtained an untouchable hottie at my school. I was taking things slow because I had a genuine liking for this guy. Things were headed on the right path until my drunken ass told him that I loved him more times than necessary (completely hammered). After a few drunken hook-ups later, things started slowing down between us. The last thing he told me was, “Don’t be a stranger,” as we departed for summer vacation. We did connect and had excellent chemistry when I was sober. Do I still have a chance with this guy come fall? What does “don’t be a stranger” mean?
-Hopeful at Hanover
To answer your question, yes, I believe you do still have a chance with him. However, I think that a role reversal does need to take place. Typically, when a college guy is hooking up with a girl, and it gets to the point when it’s clear that the girl is head over heels for him, she becomes expendable. At this point, the guy will get cocky and even sometimes bored with the situation because the “conquest” is over. However, the moment he feels that his hold over the girl is slipping, his interest will almost always gravitate back to her. So if you do want another chance with your untouchable hottie, you need to shift the power back to your side. As clichéd as this may sound, you need to make him think that your feelings about the relationship are, at best, indifferent. But – and this is a HUGE but – do not oversell your indifference. If you actively ignore him, he will see through your motives and be just as turned off by the game you’re playing as he was by your premature drunken expression of your love for him. Instead of ignoring him, show him where he ranks on your list of priorities (below your friends and schoolwork). The next time he calls or texts hoping to get some alone time with you, tell him you’re hanging out with friends, doing homework or trying out a new recipe and that he is more than welcome to join. You could even suggest that you go for a run together, play tennis or go to the library – anything as long as it is not in your bedroom.
One more thing: do not use the word “love” when you are more than three drinks deep – especially if you’ve never said it to this particular person. Unless you are completely sincere (and guys can tell when you are), the “L” word comes across as a last resort or a desperate move to hold on to the relationship or take it to the next level. If you sincerely think you are in love with a guy and happen to be drunk when you come to this conclusion, wait until the next day to say it, so you can be sure that your feelings are genuine. I understand that this is easier said than done. A very effective way to resolve this issue is to stay in control of your drinking when you’re around this particular guy; this will ensure that you remain in the highest standing with him. While it is fun to let loose, make sure you are with the right people when you’re in the mood to party – people who will laugh at your drunken behavior, not judge you for it.