Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
The guy I just started dating is much more sexually experienced than I am. He doesn’t make a big deal of it, but it makes me feel very nervous and self-conscious. How can I talk about this with him? – Uneasy at UF
For starters, don’t position the eventual conversation like a teaching moment—even if it is. You both consciously (or subconsciously) realize there’s a difference in performance, so be cool about it. If he’s stuck around this long, it probably isn’t something to freak out about.
However, ask him about his preferences and what really gets him going. This question will accomplish a few things: it’ll show that you want to perform well when hooking up and it will also allow you to pick up a few pointers. Key in on his favorite positions, what his turn-offs are and techniques that arouse him. Does he prefer you on top or on the bottom? Should you move a particular way? There are countless discussion points you could ask him, but that’s up to you. Obviously, I know nothing of your sex life outside of this question.
But forming your questions as if you’re the student and he’s the teacher brings upon a power dynamic that’s, well, sort of degrading (unless you two like teacher/student role-playing. In that case, run with it). You sit through enough lectures during the day, so make your inquiry educational but also coy. Bringing it up after hooking ups is usually the best time, unless you also enjoy open sex conversations in public. If that’s also the case, run with it.