Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
So here I am, more inexperienced in relationships than an 11th century maid (i.e. no dating, no kissing, no grinding, no… nothing), knowing full well that I probably put myself in this position. While girls in this position tend to be extremely shy or unapproachable due to a serious lack of hygiene, I think of myself as engaging and I usually get more than my share of takers. Various types of guys have approached me, but why do I feel like each one is stranger and stranger than the next? I feel like I’m not expecting Chris Hemsworth to see me across the room and instantly sweep me off my feet, but neither do I expect the guy to be 5 feet 2 inches, weird as hell, and smell abominable. Is my mentality wrong? Is it strange that I want to hold out for someone amazing even if my parents are hounding me and my friends think any guy is okay? What should I do? It’s like I’m playing 20 questions with my life. Basically, I’ve been guy-abstinent and okay with it for too long. I think things need to seriously change. – Stranger than Strange at Stony Brook
Stranger than Strange,
First things first, let me stand and applaud you for being so open-minded about what you’re looking for. I wish more people were like you.
I’m glad you realize that you may have put yourself in a difficult position here. Your mentality about the guys who approach you isn’t far off, really. Yes, there are tons of creepy dudes out there, and the creepiest ones do seem to flock to normal women like it’s their job. Unfortunately, this is one of the pitfalls about dating in college: Too many guys are afraid to approach a woman in class, and as a result, will only do so when they’ve had a few glasses of liquid courage. There aren’t many guys who will approach a woman while stone cold sober and ask for her number. Rejection sucks, so if we’re inebriated and there is a slight chance that we won’t remember getting shut down, we’re more likely to approach you at a party or a bar.
That being said, some guys may be genuinely good guys, but simply don’t know how to approach a woman. That’s why some of us come off as creepy. It goes without saying that there are dudes who are actually creepy, but it’s fairly easy to weed them out within a few minutes of conversation. For example, if he openly objectifies you as a sex object in front of your friends, that’s a pretty good indication that probably not your Chris Hemsworth (believe me, I’ve seen it). On the other hand, if a guy approaches, looks normal, but says something cheesy or starts dancing with you randomly, he may just be shy or unsure of how to approach you.
I’m also not immune to being this awkward. In fact, I think there were a few times when I thought talking about classes would be a good icebreaker. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
Your friends and family are just like everyone’s friends and family. They’re simply looking out for you or are trying to help. However, I do feel like you need to lighten up a bit. It may feel wrong and against every one of your principles, but just dance with some guys. Some of us, including yours truly, prefer dorky dancing, or prefer quiet environments to super loud and sweaty bar dance floors. So when we’re in a loud place, it’s hard to not look creepy. Furthermore, by opening up, you can figure out for real what you’re really looking for in a guy through trial and error. Even if you meet someone and it goes absolutely nowhere, you’re still better for the experience. Just steer clear of the college-aged Romeos who literally doused themselves in the latest Axe fragrance (and by fragrance, I mean Mace).
Overall, having a clue of what you’re looking for is a good idea. But there aren’t many guys who will willingly approach an “11th century maid.” More guys are willing to approach someone who appears open to conversation than the “good girl” who refuses to break the female circle of friends at the party. It’s good to have morals, but just try relaxing them a bit!