Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
I was seeing this guy for about a month. We “DTR-ed” and it turned out he wanted to keeps things open and casual, while I had hoped for exclusivity. Anyways, I ended things a few days later as I did not want to resent him. We are still friendly and there are no hard feelings. The problem is, I still like him. I haven’t been with anyone since, and I don’t think he has either. What did he mean when he said he wanted to keep things “open?” Is there a chance for reconciliation or does he probably just want my friendship? What kind of move should I make, if any? -Totally Confused at Towson
Hey Totally Confused,
There are times when being a Real Live College Guy can suck, because while I can sometimes sugarcoat answers, there are some questions which can only be answered bluntly. This is one of those questions.
He’s just not that into you.
Now that we’ve ripped off the bandage in one swift motion, we can discuss what’s really going on here. Having the DTR conversation can be tricky, so it’s good to hear that you two got out alive without any hard feelings. It’s also good to hear that he didn’t freak out when you wanted to talk. Also, the conversation clearly served its full purpose. You know where he stands, and vice versa. But, when you had that talk, he said he wanted to keep things “open.” What in the heck does that mean? If it sounds like a dodgy answer, it is. Frankly, it means he’s not into you in that way.
When guys say this line, we aren’t intending to hurt you or be mean. But saying things like, “I’m not looking for a relationship” translates into, “I’m not looking for a relationship with you.” Yes, there are occasions when guys may only want to focus on themselves rather than be in a relationship. But unless we’re undergoing a tragic event or tackling some major crisis, we’re always open to dating.
At this point, the only thing he wants is to either be friends with benefits, or to just remain friends. Don’t read anything into the fact that he hasn’t seen anyone yet, as it’s likely just coincidence. In terms of reconciling, there isn’t too much that could happen, really. When a guy says he wants to keep things “open” or “not complicate things,” he isn’t likely to budge. But since you mentioned you wanted things to be exclusive, there really isn’t anything else to do.
In the meantime, take some time to get over him. If you need to, delete him as a friend on Facebook and try not to feel bad about the situation, because you really did everything you could. Defining the relationship can he a tricky thing to do, and unfortunately, this time you didn’t come out on top. But at least you know. Move on to someone who also wants exclusivity. That situation won’t be nearly as confusing!