Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
At what point in a relationship should you first say ‘I love you?’ I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost four months now and I definitely feel something stronger than “like.” I think he does too, but is four months too soon? If he feels it too, how do I get him to say it first? – Loving Him at Lawrence
Oh man, this is the big one. “I love you” is one of the most feared phrases in any relationship. Say it too early and it’s the kiss of death. Timing is everything (no one wants the relationship to feel one-sided, right?). Luckily, there are ways to approach the situation without having this happen.
First of all, make sure you’re actually in love with him. Spending time together and being comfortable around someone is great, but if you’re only doing it because you’re going through the motions of the relationship, you’re not in love. On the other hand, if all you do is smile whenever they pop into your head, you’re probably head over heels. Once you’re sure that you do love him, you’ve got to feel out how he feels about your relationship.
If you want to make sure he feels it too, you have to hint at how you’re feeling. When you’re together, wait for a lull in the conversation, and tell him that you really like spending time together and that you’re enjoying how things are progressing. When it comes to love, most guys won’t drop the L bomb first unless they are fairly certain that you feel the same way. We hate rejection, and moreover, we hate when the affection feels one-sided. So even if we absolutely cannot live without you, we’re going to play it cool until we’re pretty sure you share the same feelings. After all, there aren’t many things that are more awkward than saying, “I love you” and getting “Thanks!” in return.
That being said, there is no specific timeline for dropping the big “love” bomb. It sounds like you guys have been together for a reasonable amount of time, and depending on how much time you spend together, four months doesn’t sound like an unreasonable amount of time. However, if your relationship is long-distance, or you guys only see one another on the weekends, four months may not be a reasonable amount of time to fully decide how you feel.
Also, why do you have to wait for him to say it? You’re in a relationship, and you should have just as much of a voice as he does. Now that you’re an established couple, he’s much less likely to panic if he doesn’t feel the same way.
If you’re still persistent on him saying it first, remember to be patient, and as I said before, he probably won’t say anything until he knows the feeling is mutual. In the meantime, keep flirting with him and leave little clues here and there about how you really feel. If he feels the same way, it won’t be long before he’s planning how to tell you his true feelings. The “cat and mouse” game that ensues when you’re still feeling out one another’s affection is exciting, so have fun with it!